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100 Days of Eating With Dignity

Monday, June 16, 2014

I have struggled with bingeing for as long as I can recall. The first time I remember bingeing I was about 8 years old. I was left alone for long hours while my mom, a single parent, worked. I was very, very lonely. I remember finding a crock of some sort of processed cheese powder/paste and taking a spoon of it. Then another. And another. Soon, the crock was empty. When my mom came home and discovered what I had done she was disappointed. At least that's the emotion my 8 year old self could name.

Many many times I've bought a large bag of some candy (peanut M&Ms come to mind) and begin eating them in the car as I was driving. By the time I got home the bag would be empty. Less than a year ago I remember buying a dozen cookies from Sam's, bringing them home, and eating them one by one in rapid succession, then hiding the empty container in the bottom of the trash. I felt like a drug addict. In that moment I recognized again that I have a problem.

The feeling of fullness used to give me comfort. Maybe it kept me from feeling small and powerless as a child, I don't know. I HATE that feeling now. It makes me feel small and powerless. Not small in size, but in esteem. I'm worth more than furtive food. I deserve to honor my body by feeding it properly, mindfully, and with dignity

The only way I know of to stop is to stop. So, for 100 days, I will eat with dignity. That doesn't mean no cookies. It does mean no dozen cookies eaten quickly, alone, then hidden. No one can do it for me. This is mine to handle.

I can do it! One day at a time for 100 days.

That is my pledge to myself.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNNINGME 6/18/2014 1:36AM

    You captured something powerful with your phrase eating with dignity. We all deserve that dignity. Thanks. emoticon

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CIPHER1971 6/17/2014 3:53PM

    One day at a time!!!! YOU WILL ROCK THIS.

Have a great day

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STEPBYSTEP1955 6/17/2014 2:28PM

    emoticon blog! You know what you need to do and have taken the first step towards helping yourself. You have set yourself a great challenge. You can do it! If at anytime looking at the overall 100 days seems overwhelming, you can always break it down into smaller chunks 20, 10, 5 etc.
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SENTERSTOCK 6/17/2014 12:24PM

    You hit that nail hard! Now hit it again and again! I have binged, and felt the emotions - let's work on this...we got this!!

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To eating with Dignity! emoticon
Lenore

Comment edited on: 6/17/2014 12:25:36 PM

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4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 6/17/2014 11:52AM

    This is a very powerful blog. Take it out and read it anytime you want to binge. I have some of the same problems with food. For me I've found that there are 2 times a day when this behavior is most prevalent; when I first get home from work and late at night when I can't sleep.

You deserve to be treated with love and dignity. So proud of you for deciding to treat yourself this way. Good luck with your 100 day challenge.

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FLUTTER-BY)L( 6/17/2014 8:45AM

    Love the language. Eating with dignity. That is such a positive feeling. You will have such an attitude change I think. Be strong!

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LEXIE63 6/17/2014 4:32AM

    A terrific challenge, and one that I'm sure you can complete. I'm sure you have been reading up on ways to control your eating, but I will just mention the measuring out portions and putting the rest of the item away out of sight. It does seem to help.
Hugs,
Lex xxx
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MNABOY 6/17/2014 12:36AM

    claim this goal and you will accomplish your goal.

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SUSANELAINE1956 6/16/2014 10:22PM

    I have also been a binge eater so I know how all that you describe feels. Here's hoping this challenge is a success for you! emoticon

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SUEARNOLD1 6/16/2014 9:53PM

    emoticon

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CETANISTAWI 6/16/2014 9:00PM

    emoticon
I spent hours alone like that, too. Mine was peanut butter with Hershey's syrup poured over it, bowls full.
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STEVEN_D 6/16/2014 8:57PM

    Good luck on your 100 day journey!

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WORKNPROGRESS49 6/16/2014 8:51PM

    emoticon I can certainly relate to your blog!! You taken the first step and putting it in writing is a great start.
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EMSSBEARS 6/16/2014 8:42PM

    I love it. emoticon I am proud of you. You know exactly what you want and what you need to do to accomplish it. I am here to support you for the next 100 days and beyond.

Beth



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144AUTUMN 6/16/2014 8:36PM

  Keep up the good work!!

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PATSYB7 6/16/2014 8:36PM

    emoticon emoticon
I have been there, too.
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One day at a time.
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Comment edited on: 6/16/2014 8:36:39 PM

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2014THISISIT 6/16/2014 8:29PM

    I can totally relate! Just this afternoon I did that in my car with a 'share' size bag of M&M's then got home and buried the bag in the trash, ugh! :( Thank you for sharing... I think I will borrow your wonderful '100 day' idea to treat my body with a little love & my esteem with a little respect! Best of luck to you! :)

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JAIZWAYS 6/16/2014 8:21PM

    Great blog. I am right there with you Emily. You put it so well. I have pledged to be binge free for 100 days and I totally relate to your behaviours. I do exactly the same. It is the one thing that is holding me back. This challenge is going to help us to learn to have those treats in small quantities so that I can have 2 squares of chocolate but not the whole bar. emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/16/2014 8:21:32 PM

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HOTPINKCAMARO49 6/16/2014 8:19PM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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VICKITS 6/16/2014 8:09PM

    Good for you, congrats!!

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