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Repost of the Blog I Wrote Earlier

Monday, June 16, 2014

I posted a blog then got all freaked out because I did it from my work computer. So I deleted it. Not that it would matter if they were monitoring it, but I don't know. Do people still do that? I figure there is too much web traffic at even the smallest offices for anyone to actually monitor any more the way they seemed to in the 90s. But still, you can never be too careful.

Since it's still valid, here it is:

I had a bad dream last night. I dreamt that the Scarecrow was going on the trip I went on last year instead of me. I don't actually think any of us are going. It was an expensive trip, and though I think the business I drummed up easily covered the costs, I think the new guy is looking at alternative, less expensive ways of doing things. Anyway, in my dream, they decided she was going instead of me, and I heard her talking about it, and I said, "Oh, you're going?" And she said yes, and I said, "Good. Then I quit."

This really set the tone for my day.

I was so ANGRY in my dream. They've disrespected me for the last time. But this morning, I'm sitting here thinking, "Geesh, can't she please be going on that trip? And mention it to me? So I can quit and go home and watch the Germany/Portugal game?"

Add to that that she is sending me all kinds of dumb emails asking me to do all kinds of dumb things, and just getting on my nerves. It's stuff that doesn't fall under my purview, that she's supposed to know how to do, and she doesn't, because she doesn't have a brain. I know I need to work on compartmentalizing and not letting what people do/say affect me, but if I were any good at that, I would still be at my last job, never having heard of this horrid place. So telling myself that just serves to further remind me of how dumb I feel for having come here at all, for falling for the grass being greener garbage.

I hate my job. I hate my boss. I hate myself for ever coming here. I get so angry at myself sometimes and feel so hopeless and STUPID about the whole thing. I heard that the lady that hired me was already looking for other positions when she hired me, so I feel really dumb moving out here to work for her, and then to get left alone with these people. It's just hearsay, of course, but I feel so used. And duped. And sad. And trapped.

And I want to stick a bunch of pizza and (veggie) burgers and French fries and junk into my mouth, because no one's around to give me a hug.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post

    Hope things are going better for you now.
    1029 days ago
  • ZIGGY122
    emoticon When the world says " give up " Hope whispers " try one more time". Years ago I was in the same position, didn't like my job, or my boss, and being a single Mom I felt trapped. I stuck it out and changed my attitude..did my job to the fullest, said "no" to those co-workers that used me to make themselves look better. Became assertive and confident and got promoted. Now I am retired with a good pension and glad I gave it one more try.
    Please don't hate yourself... learn from mistakes.. and stay with your journey with Spark people. emoticon
    1054 days ago
    ((hugs)) That pizza and all those other treats are not nearly as interesting as you are. Dreams are so fascinating, don't you think? If you could have that dream again, would you change it? If you could prolong the dream, how would you extend it?
    1103 days ago
  • SEAGLASS1215
    Yes, they do still monitor what you do on your computer at work - at least, the company I work for does, and they also limit what kind of sites you can visit. I get it, even though I don't like being 'watched' - it is their computer, their risk of viruses, they need to make sure they are paying me to work and not be on Facebook, whatever.
    It does sound like you are really miserable in your job...and that's no way to spend the majority of your waking hours. Are you in a financial position to quit until you can find something else? If not, can you hunt for something else during your freetime? I don't know the whole backstory, but being stuck in something you hate is not good for your health! When I was first hired by this company I work for, I hated what I was doing and even though we had no money (hubby is self employed, had no income at the time) I actually quit the job. My friends thought I was nuts. The same company called me back a week later with a different position and I've been there for 9 years now, loving what I do.
    1104 days ago
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