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Vacation is over.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Back from vacation. *tear*

We had a wonderful time, and I'm already having beach withdrawals. I started planning our return trip before we even left.

But vacation is over now. First day back to reality. I promised myself when I got back I would go back on Phase One...or start a juice fast...or something to help myself get back on track, since I was off track for about 2-3 weeks before I even left... I just ate cold macaroni and cheese with ranch dressing. I guess I feel like that's the food addiction rearing it's ugly head again. Sometimes what I want/crave are the weirdest, most unhealthy things. I love salad dressings on pasta. I have for as long as I can remember. Maybe some people will think that's horrible or gross, but it's what I "like."

I haven't weighed myself since I've been back. I'm too scared to. I feel like I've gained back all of the weight I lost. Realistically, I don't believe I gained back 25 pounds, but I know I've gained back some. I'm so afraid that I will weigh in over 200 again, and I don't want to see that number. And of course I don't want to now because I just ate food and had something to drink. But I guess I need to weigh in anyway...because I said I would. Because I need to know where I stand, at this point in time.


Ok. I just went and weighed myself. I'm 200.4. Not as heavy as I thought I'd be, but as heavy as I feared. I thought I'd be more, but was sure I'd be at or over 200...and I am. Not lamenting, per se, just...saying.

So at this point, since I've gained about 5 pounds, I've now lost 21.4 pounds total. I guess I need to get back on the stick with things. Ugh. All I want to do is stay in bed and pull the covers up over my head.

I feel like such a failure. Right now, I have no motivation to even do anything. I just don't feel like I have strength or energy or desire or anything. I just feel so...blah.

Great. I've let myself down. AGAIN. For the thousandth time. I knew I would. I'm just going on history. I constantly let myself down. I constantly screw this up, no matter how many times I start over. Every. Single. Time. Why do I keep bothering? I don't think I can do this. I just don't think I can.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post

    ARe you kidding me? 21 pounds!!!!!! Have you ever tried to lift a 20 lb bag of sugar or flour? I can't even get it off the pile! You can do this. Of COURSE you can. 1 step. Just take 1 healthy step today. Anything!!! Eat a piece of fruit. Dance to 1 song. Go up and down the stairs once. ANYTHING and you are back in business. You are amazing and good at this. Remember the road from A to B is not a straight line. You will dip down again, even farther than before, because you KNOW it is in you!! You can feel it. It is asleep and dreaming of the beach. Let's dance and wake up that I CAN DO IT attitude. On your way my friend. ANother day, another step. One by one.

    Love ya,

    Gini emoticon emoticon emoticon

    You are AWESOME!!!!
    1374 days ago
    Thanks for the support, BEACHCALSIX. :)
    1374 days ago
    Don't beat yourself up! It could always be water/sodium retention or even maintanence water gain. When the body suddenly stops exercising and dieting the body automatically re-gains the water weight it loses in the first week of a diet. These are kind of like emergency pounds, it's called water/glycogen gain.
    Not saying that's for sure what happened, if you relaxed your eating a lot there can be 1-2 lbs fat weight gain but no way that entire 5 lbs is fat gain, I don't buy it. :D
    I'd give it another week and weigh in again, chances are your weight will be back down.
    Stay positive and make this week back from vacation an awesome week!
    I know gaining is such a yucky feeling! I always freak out from a gain, but seeing it in a positive way and pushing forward does wonders!!
    emoticon emoticon
    1374 days ago
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