Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Last night I binged a bit. And it isn't bothering me as badly as it would have a while ago, because I knew that I would get up this morning and exercise. The exercise doesn't cancel out the binge, but it's more than I had been doing previously.
Before, I would beat myself up about it. I'd dwell on my lack of focus or will power, question whether or not I wanted to be healthy, and then indulge in a bout of self-pity. But not this time.
This time I was ready. I knew that there would come a point this week where I would probably indulge, as I tend to do when stress runs high, so I stocked my fridge with fruits and veggies. I wanted to stop for fast food on the way home, further self-abuse for any perceived faults or missteps I'd taken at work, but told myself that wasn't going to happen; there was leftover curried chicken in the fridge. I'd eat that. And I did.
And my binge was with boiled peanuts and raspberries (though not at the same time, ew) rather than chips, sweets, ice cream, or a bag of whatever was closest to hand.
I'm not good with my spark streaks yet and I find it difficult to maintain an exercise routine, but I manage to throw in a little here and there. This morning I went to the gym in my building and did 30 minutes on the treadmill. The other day, I walked down all 11 flights of stairs (and have a goal of one day being able to climb back up them). When I feel low or like I don't want to go out, I put on my music or an audio book and walk around my apartment, aiming for an additional 500 to 1000 steps on my FitBit and stretch out my arms and upper body as I walk.
I may not have the perfect exercises, may not have the perfect menu choices, but I'm doing better. Last night, I binged. But it was a better binge than the one before and I look forward to the next time when it's not a binge, but simply a small snack.