Saturday, June 07, 2014
my cousin is getting married in october, and back in december of last year i gave myself a weight loss goal that had me losing something like 3/4 of a pound a week.... totally doable right??? I had ten months to reach this goal and was going to be happy going to my cousin's wedding feeling a little better about myself, not carrying so much of this 50 pounds i am trying to lose.
and now here it is, june, and i have managed to lose maybe five pounds (depends on the day of the week and the mood of the scale).
completely stuck and, of course beating myself up for it. no, beyond beating myself up for it, adding "inept at not being fat anymore" to my list of reasons why i hate myself. that's more like the truth.
and, before you get all huffy about "well, the wedding isn't about you, it's about your cousing, etc. etc. etc" YES, the wedding is all about my cousin who was my best friend growing up and I am happy for her, and excited to see her, but i wanted to feel okay with me, at least in the less fat sense too, and i am failing at it, and it makes me feel like crap about myself.... and i needed to vent that.