Struggling with my love affairs
Wednesday, June 04, 2014
Let me make one thing clear. I have never cheated on my husband. He is A #1 in my book, putting up with me through thick and thin--mostly thick--for almost 40 years. However, I realized I do have love affairs--with food.
Man, oh man, even the thought of breaking off my affair with mashed potatoes, my comforter of choice, sends me running to the local grocery store for a carton of Bob Evans Homestyle Mashed Potatoes. I can, and often do, make a meal of this silky smooth, almost as good as homemade, side dish with an addition of Hormel's Roast Beef Au Jus. These two combined really get my juices going--gastric that is.
Another lover I enjoy is ice cream--especially any mocha or java flavored ice cream. This lover transports me into ecstasy. Alas, the high from our interactions only last a few minutes. Inevitably guilt sets in and I crash. I beat myself up for caving into my desires, for not being strong enough to say "NO!"
None of these affairs of the heart cause me to feel better about myself. On the contrary, I realize they could care less about me. I'm just a piece of meat to them--if even that. So why do I allow them such power over me?
I argue with myself that I don't have to TOTALLY give them up. I can allow myself to meet up with them occasionally and for smaller amounts. But another part of me wonders if I'm strong enough for that. Will a normal portion satisfy my lust for them?
I had to totally break off my affair with another lover--Diet Dr. Pepper. I was out of control in my craving for him. Ahhhh, the cold tingly feeling of those first swallows. The caffeine rush he gave me. I thought I wouldn't be able to live without him. The first weekend without contacting him was awful. I felt sick with loss: headaches, fatigue, dizziness, irritability. A thousand times I thought, "I can't do this" and wanted to run to the store to reconnect. But I stayed strong and true to myself.
Eventually, the headaches and fatigue passed. I still have an occasional craving, but I realize I feel better about myself without him. I'm sure he doesn't miss me at all. Surprisingly, I'm sleeping better. So now I'm evaluating my other affairs of the heart and deciding who needs to go next, and if it needs to be a clean break or can we settle on a friendship.
It's time for me to put my effort into relationships that give back--that take care of me--such as fruits, vegetables; complex carbs. These guys don't try to chain your soul. They really want what's best for me. I can't imagine having the same passion for them as I do my current affairs. But if I switch my allegiance to them I hope to be around a lot longer for the true love of my life--my husband.