Monday, June 02, 2014
I am an all or nothing type of person. Sometimes this works to my advantage. I like to be the last one putting in extra effort in an exercise class or I clean like a maniac. Sometimes I work on a paper getting it perfect before turning it in.
And then sometimes it does not work for me. Just walking is not good enough. I should run. Then I don't do anything because running seems too hard. I will way X amount by this day. It's usually pretty low goal. Or I have to be the best or my best. Alcohol is another tricky one.
I used to binge drink (back in my 20's mostly) but don't anymore. However I was finding I was drinking consistently (one most days) even when I didn't want to. I sort of convinced myself I had a big problem. I would try to go AF (alcohol free) and do it for about a month or a few weeks at a time. Then I would say, this is too crazy, and have three drinks. Much like going on an unsustainable diet and then backsliding. And then I would feel all mixed up about it, huge amounts of guilt that I was heaping on myself by choice.
I'm trying to figure this out but I'm not going to listen to anybody else about it. I have gotten good advice online and interesting thoughts, but the truth is -- I know what's best for me and it's about time I start living like it.
I worry too much about being consistent about what others think about me. That does not matter. So I will blog with the utmost honesty come what may.
The truth is, I feel better when I don't drink but I am not willing to give up certain things as long as they stay moderate. I still want to have a beer or two at a baseball game or out with my husband on a date. I still want to go wine tasting once a year. I still want to have a glass of wine while on the beach on vacation or a margarita when I'm at a Mexican restaurant. I was afraid to say that before. I'm not now.
But I will also think about how often I am drinking and build in AF days in my week so I'm really having it when I honesty want it, not just because it's there and why not. Which is kind of the habit I slid into. And if I find that's hard for me I'll take another cold hard look at my habits and beliefs and make newer decisions.
I'm also going to think about doing the things that add ENERGY and JOY and POWER and ENCOURAGEMENT into my day and do those. Getting enough sleep, self-compassion, eating my greens/shakes, doing fun cardio to loud music, laughing with friends, being outside with my kids. Enough of the self flagellation, ENOUGH! Life is too short. Let's get on with it.