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DREAMSEEKER9
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If you don't like something, change it.

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Thursday, May 29, 2014

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude about it." - the great Maya Angelou, may she rest in peace.

I had a serious wake-up call this morning when I stepped on the scale and saw the number 253.4 - I've gained 5 pounds in less than a month. The bigger picture is that I've been yo-yo'ing since 2009, when I lost 25 pounds, then gained it back plus more. I then lost 29 pounds in 2012, then gained most of it back. I lost 14 pounds in 10 weeks last fall, then gained it back with some extra. Are you seeing the pattern here? It's not good, and it's not sustainable toward what I want.

So what do I want? It's not enough to say that I want to be healthy, as I've learned from Jillian Michaels - I need to define, as specifically as possible, what I want. I want to be a size 8 (or smaller). I want to find a man to love and to love me, and I want to marry him. I want to be a mother. I want to be physically active and enjoy feeling the way my body moves. I want to be able to shop in any store and not worry if they carry plus-size clothing. I could go into more specifics, maybe in future blog posts.

What don't I like that I must change? I don't like the way I've been treating myself lately, especially since January. I allowed work to be top priority over my health and well-being. I used the excuse of being overworked and stressed out to make buying and eating chips and cookies and ice cream seem acceptable, to make skipping exercises acceptable - IT WAS NOT ACCEPTABLE! I've been down this road before, in 2012 - I busted my butt to lose 29 pounds, then work became extremely busy, and I gained most of it back when I quit exercising and started eating unhealthy foods again. But even when traveling for work, I could've made better food choices. I could've logged calories. I could've squeezed in workouts here and there.

I could go back to the past and list out all of these could'ves and should'ves, but regret isn't going to do me any good now. What will help me now is to learn from my past failures, and to incorporate those lessons into the present so I don't repeat the same mistakes.

I know that I will not be perfect in this journey of health and wellness. I also know that I can do this. I've done it before, and I can do it again, and better this time! I know that being plugged in here at SparkPeople helps me stay on track, so right away that becomes very important to me.

I don't feel scared. I feel excited. I also feel angry, at myself for letting it get this far once again, but I need to work through that and let it go, before it turns into self-hate. That's poison. What I need is self-love. It's coming, I can feel it inside of me, wanting to grow. I need to nurture that seed of self-love, tend to it, care for it, and it will grow.

I have the power inside of me to make my dreams come true. We all do. How amazing is that! It's time to feel that power.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v IOWARHINO
    I just was cleaning up email and came across your blog. This is really a good blog and you have expressed or written about many things that I have experience in my life or am experiencing now.

    I hope that you realize it is your lifestyle that you need to change. I have lost 88 lbs as of last Friday and am still learning that losing is one thing and keeping it off requires a whole change in attitude and behavior. Lots of good tools here.

    I am going to check out to see if you have blogged since this. I think what grabs me the most is that you get it, but did you embrace it!?
    490 days ago
  • v MAYBER
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    562 days ago
  • v MRSRIGS1
    You CAN do it!
    695 days ago
  • v KITTYKRS
    WOW!! When I first began reading this post I thought i was reading about myself!! You've inspired me to get back on track...AGAIN!! I've lost 24 pounds and i definitely DO NOT want it back...EVER! Now I need to get off my duff ang get back to walking everyday and lose another 50 pounds. And you are so right...it WILL NOT be easy, only worth it!!

    Thanks for your post!! Hang in there, you CAN do this!! emoticon
    703 days ago
  • v RUTHIET_456
    Great blog! You've got this! We're in this together and will celebrate our success! Keep loving yourself, it starts there. emoticon
    705 days ago
  • v DREAMSEEKER9
    Thanks again to everyone for all the supportive comments, this response has been overwhelming in the best way!

    I printed out my blog post to put on my fridge.

    Best wishes to us all on this journey! emoticon
    707 days ago
  • v RUNNER11G
    I would post your blog in a spot you will see it everyday. Someplace where it will make a difference in helping you to reach your goals. You stated your feelings well. It's now time to make it happen when temptation comes your way. As you stated so well, "I can do this. I know I can." Good luck!
    707 days ago
  • v 3SISPJD
    Just keep trying,stay committed to your HEALTH. I'm kind of at the same place right now. Two & a half yrs ago I made a commitment to get healthy lose weight, etc & I did.
    Logged my calories in & calories out via exercise, got my HDLs up & my LDLs down; but recently I've fallen off the wagon, not exercising regularly & as you have let the stress of work become an excuse for eating junk. it's got to stop.
    708 days ago
  • v K80DALY
    Great blog and great reminder to all of us that there are so many things in this world over which we have no control, but our health is not one of them!

    708 days ago
  • v ROCCAP9
    Never give up . YOU can do it

    708 days ago
  • v PAYTON58
    If I could just motivate myself as you have done. I think you are ready for the journey. I am too, but keep picking up my luggage and letting it bog me down. I will be trying to keep up with you so that I might get on the right path. Thanks for sharing and you keep up the good words. emoticon
    709 days ago
  • v MUMBLES40
    Every day is a fresh start- and you can do it! Don't be too hard on yourself; we all make bad choices at times.

    Find something you love to do and make that your "exercise". I found it was easier to stay on track when I really liked what I was doing, whether it was yoga, gardening, or weights.

    Best wishes! emoticon
    709 days ago
  • v NASFKAB
    its so very true thanks for writing what I can write same situation for me keep at it & NEVER GIVE UP
    709 days ago
  • v GOLDENRODFARM
    You go for it girl! We will all be cheering you on! I had a kind of wake up call in March, I have not had the experience of losing and gaining like you, but I let working nights be my excuse to eat very poorly, something that I have never done in my life, but I am back to eating the good stuff and have lost 35 of the 60 lbs I need to lose to get back to my normal weight. I am excited to not be short of breath in long walks, and do more things on the farm then I could before, it is a wonderful feeling to have all your clothing be too big! So start putting up motivational posters all around your place and dig in to SP!
    709 days ago
  • v DEBBALYNNE
    emoticon Wow, your blog sounds very familiar...our journeys have been very similar. Thanks for sharing; it has been an encouragement to me to know I am not alone. God bless you.....
    709 days ago
  • v ZUMBA551
    I can definately sympathize with you! To lose it and then see it coming back it so very frustrating. I lost 38 to 40 lbs in 2012 and have kept it off for the most part, but am having a bad spell right now. So, it is always tough to keep going and going, always saying no to the foods we like. Constant struggle but the smaller clothes that I now have helps me. Keep up the good work and don't stop trying! emoticon
    710 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/21/2014 3:59:49 PM
  • v JKADNAR
    Love yourself first!! YOU ARE WORTH IT!!! when work stresses treat yourself to a walk - YOU DESERVE IT!!

    I wsh you success!!!
    710 days ago
  • v DMCWJR
    Yes I know just what your talking about we just have to set the goal start the goal and keep chipping at the goal, all along enjoying the journey. Dorothy
    710 days ago
  • v CONNIEKANDOIT
    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you
    710 days ago
  • v LAINYC
    emoticon emoticon
    710 days ago
  • v BARBIE176
    emoticon blog. I just saw this today, but it really touched me so I had to stop by and tell you emoticon for writing it with such honesty. emoticon emoticon
    710 days ago
  • v STACEYB68
    Great post! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    710 days ago
  • v HEIDIMOM
    You are very inspirational and really understand the journey, both ups and downs. You mirror my own experiences to the tee. I'm with you and wish you the best. I'll keep your story in my head as I plan to prevail losing and keeping this weight off once and for all! Stay Strong Sista!
    710 days ago
  • v SDAILEY4
    emoticon emoticon + emoticon = emoticon
    710 days ago
  • v COFFEETIME7777
    Simply A-W-E-S-O-M-E! Your motivation to self-prevail is super encouraging! Attitude is everything! Thank you for sharing this! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    710 days ago
  • v LEANMEAN2
    You and I both know that you can do it. Go Girl!
    711 days ago
  • v TIFFFIT
    This is a great post, and it rings true for me as well. I lost 20 lbs years ago on NutriSystem, and gained 40 back. I lost almost 70 lbs in 2001 with Weight Watchers and gained 80 back. I lost 45 lbs in 2009 on SparkPeople and gained 60 back. When I started the journey this time I was up to a whopping 266lbs. I never believed I could get so big. I remember telling my husband shortly after we were married in 1991 "If I ever get to be 180 lbs, just harpoon me!" It's a good thing he doesn't listen. :)
    I coined what is now my go-to phrase during an epiphany I had this time around... "I can't get there from anywhere but here." It's not about the failures of the past, it's about the successes of the present--no matter how large or small, from where they come, or in what form.
    I CAN'T get there from anywhere but here...but I WILL get there. AND SO WILL YOU.
    emoticon
    711 days ago
  • v HOLLYM48
    It is not easy, there is no doubt about that, but you are worth the effort that it takes to get healthy and to do it the right way and for the rest of your life. You do have the power, you can do this! One day at a time, one healthy choice at a time.
    Congrats on being the featured reader this week and best of luck on your journey!
    711 days ago
  • v DONNELDA22
    You have what it takes to reach your goals. Now all your have to do, is do it.
    I have a saying that I try to follow:
    IF NOT NOW ----- WHEN.

    MAKE IT NOW!! emoticon

    711 days ago
  • v SEPIA83
    Thank you for having the courage to share so honestly! emoticon to loving you :-)!!
    711 days ago
  • v DELRAE3
    Wonderful words of self evaluation...you are inspiring. t's good to know I am not the only one who goes through these ripples in the war against weight gain. I cheer you on you have the determination to start over and I agree we could all love ourselves aliittle more and nuture our wellness.
    711 days ago
  • v PUGETSOUND58
    I've also been down this path. You can do it. Most successful people have tried and failed numerous times before they found what worked for them. It's all the same...in business or weight loss. It's time to find the time for yourself. Invest in yourself. emoticon
    711 days ago
  • v JRRING
    emoticon
    712 days ago
  • v LOVEXAVIE
    You re SO right!!
    It always starts in your head before anywhere else.
    YOU GOT THIS!
    I can FEEL that you have it this time!
    Congrats and best of everything to you!

    emoticon
    712 days ago
  • v GRAYGRANNY
    Excellent blog..........and obviously others thought so since it is a Featured Blog Post!!! Those same words could have come from anyone of us...I saw myself in what you wrote. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    712 days ago
  • v ROSEMARYWRITER
    A very open and honest post about an issue for so many of us. Thank you for sharing. One strategy that we've found helpful is to do other things differently. Put concerns about eating and weight loss down the list for a few weeks and in that time try other different things - wearing a different coloured item of clothing from what you usually do, going to work by an alternative route or mode of transport, shopping in a different supermarket, the possibilities are only limited by your imagination. The outcome is that you challenge your mind to think about thinks in a new way and, before you realise it, you're taking a new approach to your eating and exercise habits, too. It helped me shed 35lbs and my husband 49lbs. It has had a longer effect in that we now challenge and look for other ways to solve issues - both of us have a number of medical conditions that affect our mobility (and potentially our weight and wellbeing) - but since feeling free to do other, different things, we're being more imaginative in our approach to life. Wishing you the very best in your journey. Bask in the power that you're feeling and allow it to expand.
    712 days ago
  • v JAKIBRA
    Hello Friend I just wanted to share a few things with you that went a long way in helping me. I learned to change my way of thinking and when I finally was able to do that , I am now able to shed the weight and to keep it away. The first change I made was my approach to the wording. Things that are lost , can be found again so instead of "losing " weight I am now getting rid of it for good.( believe it or not, it really does help lol) I am sending you some links that made a huge difference to me in my understanding and I hope that they encourage you as well. Hang on in there love, every day is a new day to continue the journey toward the You that satisfies YOU , Much Joy, ~~Jakibra~~http://www.youtube.com/w
    atch?v=4Aurp6ckaxk http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOle
    nWBu4IQ emoticon
    712 days ago
  • v LJENNIFER
    Well said!!! Good Luck. It's so true.
    712 days ago
  • v WHIT525150
    I think so many of us have felt this frustration and anger with ourselves when we end up back where we started from. We just have to pick up and do it again and hope and pray that this time we make it a lasting change/commitment to better health. Praying for you and all of us who struggle with our weight and eating healthy and exercising regularly.
    712 days ago
  • v NINAHAPPYHEART
    Great blog, thanks for sharing your story so honestly! It's like you've been talking about each and everyone or most of us to be more precisely.
    You can do it ,you did it before as you mentioned and you surely can do it now; it's all a matter of time, just try to be patient with your self .
    Good things take time to happen.
    emoticon
    712 days ago
  • v NINAHAPPYHEART
    Great blog, thanks for sharing your story so honestly! It's like you've been talking about each and everyone or most of us to be more precisely.
    You can do it ,you did it before as you mentioned and you surely can do it now; it's all a matter of time, just try to be patient with your self .
    Good things take time to happen.
    emoticon
    712 days ago
  • v HELENA260
    I can relate so much to what you wrote!! I have struggled to keep my weight off as well!!! I feel frustrated, disappointed and defeated when I gain weight!!! We can do this!! Please stay encouraged!!! We can do this!!! Thank you for sharing!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    712 days ago
  • v NEWTINK
    Very honest and inspiring blog emoticon
    712 days ago
  • v YICHE12
    Hello there. So many of us out there go through this same pattern... However, failure is NOT an option therefore, we must let our positive attitude help us go forward. emoticon
    712 days ago
  • v PILLYWIGGIN
    Great blog - heartfelt and realistic. emoticon
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    712 days ago
  • v SUSIEMT
    Woo Hoo you!

    713 days ago
  • v COOLRAIN
    Thank you for being so honest and sharing your feelings. Most of us here can relate, so know you're in good company. I'm rooting for you. I know you can do it. One day at a time, one step at a time, one choice at a time. emoticon
    713 days ago
  • v OSTROH
    We all fall off the wagon occasionally. Anyone that tells you they haven't is not being honest with them selves. YOu are not alone in how you feel about your self and all the emotions that go with trying to loose weight. When you fall off you need to brush the dirt off and get back in the drivers seat, take the wheel and steer your life in the direction YOU want to go. Great job recognizing that it's okay to be mad about your actions, don't let that turn into self hatred. Make you journey fun and give your self a pat on the back when possible. emoticon
    713 days ago
  • v PRAIRIECROCUS
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    713 days ago
  • v MAESSY
    Make all your goals action oriented. Instead of "I will lose 25 pounds ",say "I will eat more vegetables ". Say I will walk 10 minutes somewhere at work and add 10 minutes more somewhere before going home". If you like sweets then freeze blueberries and snack on those. Lastly and most difficult, accept the size you are now and dress a fit and not a size. As a seamstress dress size is not standardized and fit trumps size every time. I hope this helps you.
    713 days ago
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