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    KING_SLAYER   85,065
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Wk 163 Weigh In


Saturday, May 24, 2014

They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result.

Hello, my name is Ken and I'm insane.

This was the week to turn things around, to put an end to the gaining and post a solid loss. The week to get my head on straight, block out all of the internal noise and get down to business.

Of course that's not at all what happened. Up until Thursday everything was going great, I was set to deliver a loss for this morning. Then from Thursday to this morning I somehow gained 3 lbs (no sodium involved!). This is crazy because by standard thinking I would have needed to take in around 14,000 calories to make that happen (@3,500 cals per pound (3 lbs=10,500) plus approx 3,500 cals to make up for what my body should normally burn over 2 days). I only took in approx 1800 calories both Thursday and Friday, far less than what it SHOULD have taken for me to actually gain weight!

Confusion and frustration, thy name is Ken.

Here's the numbers

Weight : 229.4
Gain : 2.2
Total : 90.6

I am continually sliding backwards and I'm not too happy about it. My head is constantly filled with spinning thoughts and stresses and it's driving me crazy. Lately I've been feeling like getting on Spark every day to get my points, comment and like postings and blogs has become a job. I feel guilty if I don't do enough encouraging or reach out to enough people. But it's driving me a tad bit insane!

I think I'm going to take a break for a while. End my current log in streak at 183 days and just step away for a bit. I'll still be around bcause I'm a creature of habit, but I need to step away at lest a little. Besides, with all of this gaining, I feel like I'm doing a disservice to all of my friends, I'm letting everyone down and not being a good role model.

I won't be gone forever, I'll probably only be gone for a short period of time, hell, most people won't even notice I'm gone (it'll be just like my real life!). But I need to remove some of the pressure that I've created for myself so hopefully I can get back to making good choices and working hard on myself instead of just making excuses every week.

So to all of you, have a great Memorial Day Weekend and remember, it's not about bbq's and beers, it's about those men and women and have laid down their lives so that you can have your bbq and beers. God bless the men and women who answer the call to serve in the armed forces.

Ken Heaston
1970-2014
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
IMEMINE1 7/2/2014 3:49PM

    Please don't feel bad about the weight gain. I was down to 102 pounds and now am battling at 105. I was doing good and then I don't know I got off course (lazy) and now am starting over.
Cheer up! There are 7 days next week and emoticon

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CLAIREINPARIS 6/1/2014 5:11AM

    I am sorry I missed this blog, and I am sorry for the discouragement you are feeling... I will miss you while you are 'gone' from SP, but I understand that sometimes it is better to take a back seat. Take good care of yourself and come back soon!
emoticon

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GRANDEFILLE 5/28/2014 2:09PM

    Hey bro! Hope you had a great Memorial Day Weekend.

As for the rest... a lot of us are insane so don't worry there. It is not your responsibility to be a role model! but then again.. A good role model is someone who has accomplished things but is human. You couldn't be a role model if you were perfect! You'd be an anomality! Or maybe you'd be a god?

Since you are very human, I would think maybe you actually need a break... A little vacation from the tracking and all. Recharge yourself in energy and motivation then come back to it.

I agree with Julia in so many ways.... Do your spring cleaning, get your head somewhat back and you'll be back to this someday when you are ready.

We'll still be here waiting to hear from you!



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LISAN0415 5/27/2014 11:24PM

    I know this journey has its ups and it has its downs, I had lost quite a bit of weight, then I got pregnant, which is great but I had some challenges and now I just re0starting my journey. It can be disheartening- like climbing a tall mountain, almost reaching the top and then toppling down... but It's time to keep climbing back up!

I wish you the best of luck. Sorry I have been gone from spark, but I am back-- and we got this!

Lisa

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JULIAMOONCHILD 5/27/2014 3:44PM

    OK, first off - I GET IT!
However, Babe said it best when she said you are nobody's role model. OUCH! And here I thought you and I were THE Role Models here at SP. You know, representatives of both genders. emoticon
So, I guess we're not. But then again - what does Babe know? emoticon

OK. I am insane too.
Been that way most of me life, so nothing new.
Had my eye on the prize and then it rolled completely outta sight. Struggling here. I mean, I look like hell and I feel like hell and most days end with me wondering what the hell.
Taking a break ....
I have been on a break for the last 2 or 3 months. Not focusing on weight loss these past months, but, in stead, just focusing on getting to the other end of this LONG tunnel that I am walking through. Almost there. Almost there. Almost there ... but NOT there yet.
YOU - probably need a break - but I hope you won't lose your spark streak. Be the creature of habit that you are (so am I). Come to the community and do only what you want to do each day until you are ready to do more.
Yeh, I am not a great encouragement, I know, BUT I care. We are in some shark invested waters ... Mind sharks. Our own mind sharks. So, gotta stay in this dang raft until our ship comes in .... and it will ... For now this raft is what it is. We are sailing without a rudder (isn't that something important on a boat?) emoticon
but at least we ain't over-board.

Work on your insanity and clear out whatever you can, while knowing that you will always be a bit insane. Course that's what makes you a King_Slayer and we wouldn't want you to ever be totally cured.

Oh, this is so insane I should delete this comment!
Nah. You know how my day is going and so I say WTH.
CLICK! emoticon

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SIMONEKP 5/27/2014 1:14PM

    Do what you need to but 90 lbs is nothing to sneeze at so you arr still a great role model.

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SKATER787 5/26/2014 6:50PM

    Take a break as needed. I've had success cutting out the grains. Consider giving it a try if you haven't already done that. Although, I'm not a low carber per se, the low carbers are more right than the conventional wisdom of eat less and exercise more. I'm off the grains for about 8 months, and it is the best thing that has ever happened to me in decades, dietary wise.

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READY4CHANGE81 5/26/2014 2:12PM

    You have truly been a huge support for me on spark. I enjoy your blogs, advice, wisdom, and motivation. However, at the end of the day YOU need to do what is best for YOU. We will still be here when you are ready/return. emoticon emoticon

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ME_FIRST 5/25/2014 11:54AM

    Don''t kid yourself Ken. You will be sorely missed. The fact that you've logged in your week every week fr 163 weeks is an amazing commitment to yourself. I understand how you feel about pressure and just living life making better choices. I'm all for that and I'm trying to do the same thing. Consider yourself the strong person who lost 100 lbs +/- and maintained that weight loss for a long time. Not many people can say that.

Enjoy your weekend and the beautiful summer months. After the winter we had in NJ, I'll never complain about the heat again. emoticon (you)

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WILDKAT781 5/25/2014 9:06AM

    Ken - I truly understand what you mean...I've just went through the same bunch of emotions myself over Spark! I took a break and it helped tremendously! I hope the break gives you what you need and I hope it is not too long because I will miss you!

emoticon

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IDNYCAGIRL 5/24/2014 9:30PM

    Hey Ken...I read this earlier and it took a while to sink in. I'm really sorry you feel this way at this point in your journey. I too hope for the best of things to come for you with your health, goals and everything else. This journey can be quite the rollercoaster as so many of us experience in it but just know you will be missed and without each other to hold us up to our accountability and being there to support one another it's not really the same so you do really matter and we will miss our dear sparkfriend. Thank you for all the support and I hope when you are ready to come back just know your true friends will be here for you emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PINKIEPARADISE 5/24/2014 8:57PM

    I hope your break gives you what you seek. A lot of people do find you motivating in spite of what your scale says, but maybe it's time for you to inspire yourself instead of everyone else for a short time. I hope you return. You are one of the only people that actively cheers me on. I do appreciate it, but I also understand where you're coming from.

emoticon

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DOVESEYES 5/24/2014 8:44PM

    Hey Ken
You are an inspiration but not because you are perfect but because you are honest and a wonderful friend to many. Enjoy your time away. It IS all about you.
Take all the time you need,you will be missed.

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BARBIEE52 5/24/2014 8:11PM

    Ken,
I am sad after reading your blog...I will miss you if you take a break, but I understand. We are here for you anytime, whether you are losing or not. Yes, it does matter to us, and you are important to us, and I get support from you, and hopefully I have given you some support back. I will still send you comments...don't want you to think I don't care emoticon We all need breaks, so by all means take a break, just not for long. Summer is a busy time of the year..I know I won't be on as much, because in MN our summers are so short and they go by so fast, so I will spend ALOT of time outdoors...but I will miss you..you have become a very good friend.
Enjoy your time away..just don't forget there's alot of people here that care.
Many, many ((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))
)
Barb emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NIGHTSKYSTAR 5/24/2014 7:28PM

    Ken you are not doing anyone a disservice or being a bad role model. you are an inspiration to alot of us, and you are human.
that calories in calories out thing is a load of hooey..i should have GAINED this week..i've only had time to eat one meal a day, and not a great one at that, but i lost. not alot, , but i expected a gain. go figure.
take a break for YOU if you want, heck spin the wheel if the streak is important and do nothing else but what you WANT. I will miss you, and i'm sure alot of others will, too. But i know you will be back. do whats best for YOU, KEN.
we love you, my friend. hang in. you will turn this around. I'll be thinking about you, Ken, and sending all good thoughts your way!
Holly

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TWESTEN1 5/24/2014 6:50PM

    Good for you - everyone needs breaks in their lives :)

And thanks for the shout out to all of those who gave their lives for our freedom.


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_BABE_ 5/24/2014 6:49PM

    Hate to tell to you Mr. Heaston but you are nobody’s role model. We are all adults here and congregate for the purpose of support and friendship in the name of being healthy. I read your blogs because I want to see how you are doing and offer any advice that for some reason I cannot incorporate into my own life. Plus I admit I look forward to your wit and wisdom.

As for my own sanity, as soon as I went accountable on a weekly basis I choked…so now I just try to be consistent and quietly just try and tweak my eating here and there looking for the miracle formula. I don’t think too much about water retention because if it’s a constant in my life I should still be losing some pounds.

I have been where you were once…the experienced dieter who starts playing with their week because they feel they know their body and how it will react and what you can get away with….go back to the basics… stop weighing yourself daily and don’t worry what anyone else thinks but don’t stay away too long cause contrary to what you think we like you around.


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JULIA_211 5/24/2014 6:29PM

    In the 6 years since discovering sparkpeople, I have taken many breaks. Sometimes it is absolutely crucial for you sanity to do so, I'm with you! Take as much time as you need, your friends will be right here waiting when you come back! Have a great Memorial Day weekend, emoticon emoticon emoticon

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