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Whom I'm ment to be.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

If you have ever met me you will instantly learn a few things.

I am far from being shy, will be honest with you, and I truly like (love) most anyone I come across.

Here is some stuff you don't know. I'm am very introverted, always hurting from something, and will binge binge binge.

"What sent me into my introverted shell to binge this time" you ask? Well, I'll tell you.

First main thing is my son being over the top ADHD with spring fever for the last month. Right now he is on 3 different meds, school counsler 3x per week, doc once per month, therapy ever week, and two very patient parents. Lately I am just wore out from/of him.
Second topic is my wife just started shutting down. Literally quit doing stuff. Just didn't care- no dishes, no extra laundry, no side cleaning, not much with the kids at all. So her and I ended up visiting therapy. Oh Joy! I Get To Express My Feelings To Someone Else. This turned out much better than I thought.
Next was my daughter getting back to cutting herself and doing the whole suicide thoughts. Ended up taking her back into the clinic for another vacation.
Last in my job. With everything going on I ended up missing a couple non-mandatory, but highly encouraged events, 2 meetings on days off, and started showing a little mind slipping. Sometimes the corporate world loves to attack when your weak, but in a nice backhanded way. emoticon

Now to the title. WHOM I'M MENT TO BE.
I am not supposed to be the guy raising two kids for a life time of up/downs and troubles. So for now- I'm putting any work I can to get them through this phase and move into the productive or at least not negative part of life.
I am not going to get kicked around at work. So for now- I went knocking on doors to "Ask Advice" from certain people. A polite way of making them face me. This really works everyone.
My partner is not going to call it in. So for now- it's a reminder that we have 19 years together, our kids take leadership from us, and we are in charge of changing this household. I'm very active in the house, chores, bills, and children. Trying to cover any slack.

Whom am I right now.
Just trying to remember that none of this stuff is actually me. I am part of all of it, but it is life and not my core person. Most of it is just some diverted energy which will eventually come back, and then watch what I can do. So, if I disappear, I'm just having my energy diverted. I will always come back.

Thank you for listening everyone. Sorry to dump, sometimes I need to read my own thoughts for them to sink in.


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I would absolutely expect that you would like most everyone you met and be introverted. No surprise there. The biggest surprise is how hard things have been this year for you as well and it is amazing that you have continued to be so positive thinking of where you want to be and how to get there. I hope things have improved at home as in the end, that is usually glue that holds it all together. Hang in there...all storms end and the sun comes out again.
    1287 days ago
    Hey there.

    I know life has a way of throwing poo as if we're caught in a cage of angry monkeys. Every person has this, and I'm going out on a limb saying this (sticking with the monkey theme) that we'd all prefer everyone stop throwing their poo at us.

    We all deal in a different way - your wife shut down, your daughter cuts, your son acts out, you bounce around all to lead the best you can and maybe 'binge' along the way. You are right that it is not all the sum of the whole, but a piece of what you are going through.

    I know you're doing your best. I applaud you for getting to counselors, as so many people aren't strong enough to even suggest it. I'm glad it's helping and that you continue going for your whole family, as you will all (individually and as a unit) come out stronger in the end.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you Konrad. Hang in there, man.
    1292 days ago
    Again, I feel your pain and I am glad you have found a safe haven' so to speak to express yourself and I know there are many here who listen and are caring ......... Hope all this stuff soon begins to iron out ........ (If you saw a blog of mine last week ........ about the journey....... You would see I really went thru a lot of stuff (hair-raising) this last month ............. Thankfully the worst if behind and I do hope yours will be soon too! emoticon
    1294 days ago
    Awe Konrad!
    We are hear to listen, so, vent away!
    Whatever it takes to get you to feel better, we are all hear for ya!

    1302 days ago
  • HOLLYM48
    Sorry things are so tough right now. I hope that things will get better. Take it one day at a time and remember that tomorrow is a new day.
    1304 days ago
    You've got a lot going on, and the last thing you need to do is worry about us. We'll always be here when you're ready. Never feel bad about "dumping" stuff here, we're here to help and listen, whatever you need. When you need time for yourself, take it. This place can be overwhelming sometimes, but add to that, all the family and work stuff... I get it. You're doing an amazing job trying to stay up on all of it, but don't forget to take time to breathe. *HUGS*
    1304 days ago
    Just keep swimming, just keep swimming emoticon

    Sometimes there's no winning, but just perseverance. It'll all be worth it when things balance out again
    1304 days ago
    That's what we are here for!

    To read and feel.

    Have a great day!
    1304 days ago
    Konrad, it seems like you have a full load in your ruck! Stay strong and get through this period. I think your offbeat sense of humor helps. Take care of yourself and your family.
    1304 days ago
    I just wanted to say that I think you're doing an amazing job keeping everything together, Konrad. Sometimes life is unfair and the load we have to carry is very, very heavy--almost seems like more than we can bear at times. Take care of yourself, your family and what you need to do at work to stay afloat. We'll always have your back here even if you need to take a few steps back from time to time. And, hey, some of us are actually pretty funny too, so any time you feel like you need a good laugh to help lighten things up, just let us know.
    1304 days ago
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