Friday, May 16, 2014
Was very anxious and overwhelmed all yesterday, into the evening, sluggish this morning. Didn't want to eat good, didn't want to run, I had 3 cups of coffee (with regular sugar) yesterday, just in a funk. I struggled to get through it and then I took a stupid chance and got on the scale. I was lucky because I was down 1.6 lbs. It proved a big help in my mood but at the back of my mind is 'what if it'd been up'? Because my weight does that, a lot. It likes to bounce around by as much as 5 lbs at the worst times. Not true gains, just holding on to water weight, that time of the month, or I stared at the scale too hard and hurt it's feelings (I swear it happens! LOL) so I rolled the dice for a mood lift when I needed it and it came through but in the past that scale has been a saboteur. A crummy number has sent me spiraling away from good habits and progress. So I'm resolving myself to avoid that one again.
I need to give thanks this morning for all I have. I'm healthy enough to run. I've got a lovely family and husband. I have a strong faith in God. I just need to stop worrying so much over the hurdles we have this summer and fall. We've got some large tuition bills for our two oldest in college, we've got three property tax bills on vehicles and RV this summer, and we've got airline tickets to buy to get our 3rd son up to Alaska for his freshman year of college. He's on Humira so we've got to get that settled and get his doctor situation figured out. And meanwhile I'm leaving my 4th son home alone with oldest brother that goes to college locally during his first week back at school which makes me sad because I like to be there for them and I always have. And, my husband's contract is up for renewal and we won't find out till July. Argh!
I wish there was a FFWD button to push that would magic me into September when all these stressful things were finished.