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A bittersweet Mother's Day for me

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Three years ago my Mom suffered from a stroke and developed dementia. My older sister and brother stepped in and found our loving Mom an excellent care facility. 18 months ago Mom's left lung quit working and she also developed shingles. Luckily, my sister, Joyce, made sure Mom was placed in hospice care at this time, so our dear Mom would receive needed stronger pain medications.

My sister is our Mom's Power of Attorney for care. My sister has a problem with self confidence. My purpose the whole time has been to 100% support every decision Joyce makes concerning our Mom's care. One choice Joyce decided on is that on July 4th 2012 this was the last time I visited with our MOM at her care facility. The two reasons for this are for Mom and myself. I have had bi-polar disorder for the past 30 years. Mom's condition is that 98% of the time she sleeps and wakes to receive puree food. Mom has very little awareness of her surroundings and the people around her. My sister's concern for our Mom is that if Mom became aware that I was visiting Mom, Mom would be concerned about me and how I saw Mom. This would lead to our Mom being very agitated and upset. Joyce's concern also has been for me. how it would affect me with my condition to see our Mom's state of health.

On my last visit to my Mom, on July 4, 2012, Mom was awake as I left from my last visit with her. I gave Mom a huge, well deserved bear hug and said, "I LOVE YOU!". Mom said, "ME TOO!" These were the words Mom always said when I said "I LOVE YOU!" When Mom goes to HEAVEN I will always remember "ME TOO!" It meant to me that Mom knows that it was ME whose last words to her were "I LOVE YOU!". This is so precious to me and Joyce feels that this will always be one of my favorite memories of our MOM, for the rest of time I spend on Earth!!

I LOVE YOU MOM! emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I understand. A horrible disease that can destroy more than a few. You made the best choice for you and your Mom(and your sister, Joyce). .....keep that "happy moment." It was real. ((hugs)) from one friend to another.
    1380 days ago
    I am really sorry about your mum's condition Steven. Mum's are so special!! My mum got sick and died when she was still very young and I was a child. That also was so hard for me and influenced my whole life. Like your mum, my mum was a very special lady.
    That is great that you have a caring family around you. I can understand what your sister meant by considering you and your mum's feeling about seeing each other. And I agree seeing your mum how she now is could be distressing. And it is a nice way you remember your mum with you sharing your feeling of love for each other.
    If I had one more day to see my mum though, I would jump at it and see her. Even though it meant more sadness in seeing how she was and knowing I couldn't do anything to help her. When my mum died I actually wanted to see her , but my step father thought it was a morbid thing to do. And I never saw my mum. I had dreams for a long time that mum wasn't really dead and somebody kidnapped her.
    To our Mom / Mum Steven because they are special ladies, and we will love them forever emoticon emoticon
    1381 days ago
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    1381 days ago
    1381 days ago
  • MARUKI52
    1381 days ago
    Sorry about your loss. Blogging is a good way to express your thoughts and emotions.
    1381 days ago
  • JESS0107
    I'm so sorry about your mother but you can rest assured that she is watching over you and will always be with you!!
    1381 days ago
    Steven, that is a beautiful gift of a memory. It's a very uplifting memory to have and to share with others. It puts a smile on my face and touches my heart almost as much as yours.

    Your sister is a very strong woman and it's not a negative thing to have weak moments. She's doing the right thing by you and your mothers in making decisions.
    1381 days ago
    1382 days ago
  • FLYER99
    I miss my Mom terribly since she passed away two years ago. I visited her a lot even though some times she didn't recognize me or didn't know I was there. She slept a lot in her latter days. I know she is with the Lord now along with my Dad and that I will see both of them again some day. We will never forget our Moms, Dads or other loved ones.
    1382 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/12/2014 9:49:35 AM
  • MBPP50
    Hi Steven, I am sorry that it has been so long since you have seen your mom. Dementia is so hard to deal with. But I am sure your mom loves you. emoticon Mary Beth
    1382 days ago
    emoticon And your Mom loves you too! And so does your wonderful sister, Joyce. You are lucky to have both these incredible women in your life!
    1382 days ago
    HI Steve,

    Its sooo very, very hard when our parents get older, and the many things that can happen to them. We in affect become the ADULTS and them though OUR PARENTS who totally deserve RESPECT, need the help from us, NOT that they are "children" no, no matter what,,, they are our authority.

    I lost Mom in 92 (she was only 55) I as 32. I missed her horribly for over 10 yrs, but now,, though of course I'd LOVE to have her with us, but never in the pain she was in.

    Steve, I am so very sorry your Mom has been thru much. I have a brother (1 yr older) who is extremely bipolar,,, its so hard for him to hold a job,, cos of it, but he keeps trying,, and will til he can retire. During Moms illness though Allan had his OWN idea's and was insistence about things, I was my Moms person in case of both her finanaces and medical treatment. I tend to disagree with ur sis,,, no disrespect there, but I would of never said to Allan he couldn't come down. My Mom of course KNEW about him,,, it was quite obvlious, but !!! She loved him "as he was" ,, its the only way we knew him to be,,,,, so of course Momm loved him as much as he did her. I hope this makes sense,,, ur Om will always accept you. I am ot sure of ur relationship with ur Sis. You both know WAY BETTER than "Some "person" on a putah".

    If she's suffering,,, I hope for her sake,, as I do my Dads,, whos now also working with Hospice (GREAT Organization !) that neither of them sffer,, and if so (For Daddy IS hurting, I am quite sure r MOm is also) has to suffer much longer.

    I a, SO GRATEFUL to Hospice.
    1382 days ago
    I am sorry about your mom. I know today can be mom is in heaven and I miss her. It is wonderful that you have that moment to hold in your heart.
    1382 days ago
    I still mis my mum every day. It is good to remember that love is not limited to time and place. Thanks for sharing.
    1382 days ago
    so sorry about your mom. today can be sad and joyful. I lost my mother in 2010. I have many good memories but I miss her dearly.
    1382 days ago
    emoticon So sad.
    1382 days ago
    I am sorry for both of us. My Mother had a stroke too and this is my first year with her being this way on Mother's day.
    1382 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/12/2014 6:06:48 PM
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