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    ALLISON145   32,684
30,000-39,999 SparkPoints

Would you believe?

Tuesday, May 06, 2014

...I actually created a separate SparkPeople account to hide from my SparkFriends because I'm embarrassed? Notice I didn't say "was embarrassed." I AM embarrassed. Over the last 2 years, I've gained from 155 to 209... essentially 60 pounds. Still below my all time high of 235, but definitely not a healthy shift.

I'm sorry I didn't have more faith in all of you to be accepting and supportive. To be honest, when I was "in the zone" and losing/maintaining so well I lost my perspective and felt myself quietly judging others that weren't doing as well as I was. So naturally, I assumed that everyone else would do the same when I fell down... we project our feelings and behavior patterns on others, right?

Anyway, here I am again... my page says Take 3 but it's probably more like take 30 over the course of my adult life. I'm actively acknowledging that I need help. I need support. I need to be active on this community and help others because even though I know I should do this for myself I perform much better when I'm trying to set a good example and sharing my struggles with others that understand (and vice versa). No one else in my immediate family needs to worry about food or weight, and no one in my extended family cares to try even though they are as large or larger than me (with the exception of my sister, who has done an admirable job of maintaining a healthy weight for years).

I'm rambling now, but I just really feel like my weight (and even more so, my obsession with changing it) has become excessive noise in my life that is preventing me from being happy. Notice I said it's not my weight per se - it's really my constant struggle that impacts my happiness. I need to either spend my energy accepting my weight (love thyself) or focus that energy on reaching a healthy weight that feels more naturally acceptable to me... and given the crazy number of health and joint problems my lovely mother is having after carrying excess weight most of her adult life (she's only 65 now), I know it's not a safe thing for me to simply accept myself as I am. I need to get the excess weight off my joints because arthritis is in my genes and therefore likely in my future.

Thanks for listening, anyone who stumbles by... and thank you to my SparkFriends that may still be lurking and watching for me. I'm very sorry to see that my friend EvilKlown has deleted his page... he was always a constant no matter how often I fell away from the site.


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
KPETSCHE 5/9/2014 12:30AM

    I am SO GLAD to see you back Allison. We are here for you in all your glory - ups and downs. It's definitely not easy but we all know that, don't we. I've been missing you!

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WOUBBIE 5/7/2014 9:33PM


Very humbling journey, this is.

I started out like gangbusters, thinking I'd lose 2 pounds a week like I used to back in the day. But your body at 53 is not quite the same as your body at 23.

I was prepared to show off my progress at work, and convince people to get on the low carb bandwagon, but you know what they say - no one notices you've lost weight until you've dropped about 20 pounds: I was doing low carb for well over 4 months before I got even one little compliment.

Lesson learned. Pride goeth....

I'm just glad you're back. It's good and healthy for you to be here, and I hope you stick around all the way through your loss and well into maintenance!

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SHIRLANGEL 5/7/2014 3:51PM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing what was going on. I can identify with some of things you wrote. While I'm sorry you gained some back while you were away, I'm glad you remembered us and came back for support. I've been absent a little while too but am getting back on track too. emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/7/2014 3:53:32 PM

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    Nothing to be ashamed of not embarrassed about, GF. We love you just the way you are. And most of us have been in the same situation. The people who lose it and keep it off are in the minority but I tend to think that those who stick it out end up at some point being in that minority.

I can totally relate to your need to lose weight. My genetic heritage makes it essential that I do the same. I don't want to end up handicapped, in a wheel chair permanently or worse.

We are in this together. We will stick it out. We won't quit. We will succeed.

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JAPITTARD 5/6/2014 6:37PM

    I agree people do it all the time BUT the important thing is that you are back! What has happened in the in between is in the history. The important thing is that you are back and ready to start your journey again! You've GOT THIS!!!!

-Amy P
Also I host a fitness and accountability group on Facebook. Itís a private group where we check in, keep each other accountable and encourage one another on our journeys! Because it is private what you post in the group doesnít show up on your regular feed. I would love for you to join us. If you would like you can either message me your email address and I can add you that way (we donít have to be FB friends if I add you by emailÖ.. OR you can find me on Facebook and add me as a friend ( Once you add me as a friend I can add you directly to the group. I hope you join in!!

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NEWBIRTH2014 5/6/2014 5:27PM


It's been almost 20 days since I've reconnect to SparkPeople and I'm sure we are not the only one's who's stumbled and fallen off the SparkPeople wagon! Now that you're back stay put young lady!!!

emoticon emoticon

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