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    SDLEE514   18,492
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Giving in

Monday, May 05, 2014

Well folks, as most of you know who regularly follow me, I have a wedding coming up this weekend, where I will be standing up in front of everybody doing the first reading. And I had wanted to cut sugar, alcohol, carbs for 4 weeks prior to it and make some progress weight/toning wise. So I'm trying not to be so negative and say I outright failed, but yeah that's pretty much what happened.

I'm debating about not weighing myself this week because if I don't like what it says (and I can pretty much guarantee I won't) I'll probably feel even more self-conscious and uncomfortable at the wedding. My arms will be on full display and last time I tried on the dress I felt like I had a lower belly pooch, and its not even that fitted. I did an hour of Bob Harper strength training on Saturday and I'm STILL sore. Lots of squats and arms. I tell ya, if I do that workout regularly I might actually have arms I'm not so self conscious about. I was feeling strong and toned after that one for sure. Maybe I should do that workout again before I leave for the wedding so I can carry that feeling rather than being disappointed by what the scale says and having that exacerbate my insecurities.

I've been giving in. When I was in a particularly sour mood, I said to my bf well we might as well get X (pizza) b/c I'm not going to look like how I want to for the wedding anyway. He gave me a (much needed) lecture that I don't give myself enough credit and that I'm pretty and people look at MY body and say they wish they looked like that and that I'm a catch. *sigh* He would say that, he loves me, and I know this, so why isn't it enough for me to accept myself?! We didn't get pizza, but I did cook up some carb heavy lobster raviolis (again, with the carbs) and tracked it.

Thursday, I don't know whether it was the nice weather or what (I also had Friday off so it felt like a Friday to me) but we went out for Mexican b/c we had been craving it and wanted to try out this new place by us. Well, I overloaded on chips and salsa for sure, and ahem, 2 margaritas, my only minor victory was I ordered fajitas and literally didn't eat the tortillas so my meal, was basically chicken veggies and guac (no cheese or rice). Friday my bf was craving ice cream so he got, obviously the worst kind imaginable, Ben and Jerrys, and we split the pint. Yeah that happened. Again, I tracked it, and it obviously took me way over my calorie intake for the day. And Saturday we decided to have mint juleps for Kentucky Derby Day, and I had one too many. Yesterday was the monthly Sunday dinner meal: fried chicken, mac & cheese, cole slaw, strawberry shortcake for dessert. Ugh, I didn't eat the pre meal bread and I didn't finish my dessert but still.

I have been exercising a LOT. Last Wednesday I took my first rest day in 12 days. Thursday I did the steps a couple times at work then we walked to dinner, so I'd hardly call Thursday a workout day, but still. Friday I walked to CVS (about a mile from my apartment) got most of the way home only to realize I forgot the main reason for the CVS trip (ha, happen to anyone else?) so I walked back basically doubling my anticipated walking and ended up doing about 3 miles. Saturday was the Bob Harper day. Yesterday I did cardio recovery and walked to the dinner.

Oh and we have pizza in our fridge. BF ordered it yesterday (he wasn't able to come to the Sunday dinner with me, so that was his solution). My goal is to avoid that.

I have a lot to do before we leave on Friday, cleaning the apartment, my friend/cat sitter will be coming over, doing my nails (I know, priorities), packing (I am the WORST packer, it takes me forever) and of course daily workouts right through before we leave. Focus! No more giving in!

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
STFRENCH 5/6/2014 1:46PM

    Listen to your bf, he is right! emoticon
Well done for doing a lot of exercise.

I hate packing, but I use a list, same as I would when I go food-shopping. It helps me focus and I feel less afraid of forgetting something xx

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SDLEE514 5/6/2014 9:22AM

  @sonicb, HA true, everyone will of course be looking at the bride. I would think for a moment though people will be looking at the person doing the reading.

I gave in to the pizza last night. But only one slice and I tracked it, still sticking within my calories. Not exactly nutritious/nourishing, but right now I'll focus on staying under.

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SONICB 5/5/2014 12:22PM

    I think your bf is right that there are plenty of other people out there who are already envious of the body you have, but in any case, that's not what's important. Eat right and exercise to feel good and treat your body well because you should love yourself and want to take good care of yourself. I think that the only person who will be paying any attention to what you look like at that wedding will be you… all eyes will be on the bride anyway, right? :P

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