Why I'm not motivated
Monday, May 05, 2014
One of the articles on Spark suggested writing - free writing, with no sensor - why I'm having trouble with an aspect of my healthy journey. My big one has always been motivation. So here goes. Be gentle when you respond please if you choose to!!!
When I get upset, I eat. it's comforting. It makes me feel better, so I choose to eat. Fixing this? Keep things that do comfort me, like a book, or crocheting, close at hand.
The things that we have are high in carbs and often low in veggies. Cooking for the whole house - all 7 of us is too hard. I choose not to cook for myself and utilize the veggies and fruit we have. Fixing this? Batch cook, put the food I make for my half of the family in the downstairs freezer which is fairly easy access.
It takes too much time to cook between trying to keep Nate away from the hot stove, keep him entertained and from not eating whatever random thing he's found on the floor, there is NO time. I don't put my son in the walker, playpen, or ask his daddy to watch him. Fixing this? Use the walker, playpen, ask people for help, or do it at nap/bedtime.
I feel bad asking my inlaws to watch him so much so I can do something like that even though they're willing to.
We're on WIC right now and neither me nor my husband are working so we're limited in food to what we get from wic and what we buy and what my inlaws buy. Money is getting spent in places that aren't helpful or healthy or making it stretch, so we're cutting corners in areas we probably shouldn't. I choose to spend what money we do have in ways that are not helpful, healthy, or frugal. Fixing this? Reroute the money to where it's most needed - food, basic family care, clothes, health.
I'm overwhelmed by how MUCH in my life needs to change. I see the areas to change but there's just so MUCH I can't seem to make myself start and so I choose not to start. Fixing this? Baby steps. They lead from one to another.
I get started, all gung ho, then I loose sight of why I'm doing it and I get sucked into "oh it's just this once" except it isn't. I choose to ignore the fact that "Once in awhile" has become "most of the time" Fixing this? PAY ATTENTION. Track AS I go, not once an evening when I can't adjust for decisions already made.
Taking time to exercise means going out of my way to do something besides what I normally do. I feel weird leaving my son with my inlaws to go workout and I feel like I need a destination if I walk or bike anywhere but I feel alright leaving him to go to Starbucks to work - even if I don't get much done. And so I choose to go to Starbucks or CVS for the walk or bike ride instead of choosing an alternate, more frugal, and healthier activity. Fixing this? Take a long way around if I choose these destinations. Go to a destination farther away - walmart of Jewel instead of CVS.
I don't know how to incorporate my son (1 year old) in the workouts. When I try with yoga, he crawls away to put something else in his mouth or he sits under me when I try to do an inversion and then I can't do anything else till he move which gets really old and makes me not want to do anything. So I choose not to do anything, instead of looking for ways I COULD incorporate and involve him. Fixing this? Take him for walks. Clean out the bike trailer and use it. Look up videos for mommy baby yoga, or other workouts.
So few people in my life do this with me. I have people in my life who start doing it, then loose they track too, and that makes me feel alone too. So I choose to let that deter me. Fixing this? Involve my husband, and take responsibility for my own choices.
If I do this around my mom and grandma, I get comments about how I'm always eating (my mom's idea of good eating is a meal a day) and then they buy me clothes that are sizes too big and when I say anything, they look me up and down like I'm crazy and tell me that "oh it'll still fit and it looks cute" even when it looks like a tent. I choose to let these comments bother me. Fixing this? *sighs* I don't know. I try very hard to ignore it, but it still bothers me.
I start to get comfortable with my body and wear things that are a little more form fitting and I get comments about how you can see my fat or my belly peaking out or whatever and then they hand me something new that they've bought me that is a tent.I feel really weak trying to stand up to this and assert myself about how I look since I'm still pretty insecure about it myself. I choose to let these comments bother me. Fixing this? Practice being assertive around other people maybe? Practice being comfortable in my own skin with people who I know are kinder - like my friends and husband.
When I was doing well I was loosing about a size a season, which means a new wardrobe every time the season changes which gets really old and expensive even if you buy from the thrift store and right now we can't afford it. I choose not to find ways around this. Fixing this? I have a sewing machine. I know how to sew a little - look up fixes online or ask a friend for help.
Things hang in weird ways. I've lost weight in my butt but not my tummy, so my pants fall off my ass but not my stomach so I can't go down a size in pants but they keep falling off. Again, I choose not to do something about this. Fixing this? Same thing - modify stuff.
I can't shop right and I'm tired of trying to buy new clothes and having no clue what size to buy and then I try a smaller size than the old clothes were, and they've changed the cut YET AGAIN and I end up in a larger size which makes me feel like I've made NO progress at all. I allow this to frustrate me and allow myself to NOT do anything at all. Fixing this? Treat it as an adventure maybe?
I think that's it. Wow, that was alot....
This was an exercise from Spark, and a bit of an eye opener. The exercise was to analyze one problem you're having with your healthy, free write WHY, then go back, change your passive statements to active - to "I choose" statements, then go back AGAIN, and come up with possible solutions. This was a neat exercise and very helpful! Thanks Spark!