We have carrot cake in the house. Yummy, delicious carrot cake with buttermilk frosting. YUM. One of my favorites. I got myself a glass of water, and I wanted a snack. Right there in front was the carrot cake. I pulled out a place, pulled out the cake, and went for a fork.
Then I stopped. I remembered looking at my calorie count after dinner and being just a hair over. I added my biking for the day and I was fine. I remember the last time I tracked this cake it clocked in at about 340 calories. Did I really want this treat at the expense of my goal, my health?
But, I argued to myself, there are only 3 pieces left. It'll get finished before I have a change to have another piece.
Something one of you blogged about months ago popped in my head. There will be other cakes. This will not be the last time I could have cake, even carrot cake.
But I want a snack, something SWEET!
Ok, what can I have? Is there any fruit?
Only bananas, and I get sick of those halfway through.
I don't know where they are. (Lame excuse - I have a fair idea of where else they might be.)
Oh! There are those 100 calorie blueberry muffins! I can have those.
Okay, that works.
So I grabbed my water and snack and headed back to my son's room. He's winding down and getting ready for bed, alternately playing with toys and coming to me for cuddles. Finally he falls asleep in my arms. As I set him down, I realized I didn't eat my snack. I realized too - I don't WANT IT!
Furthermore - I'm not even HUNGRY!
Which makes me wonder - WHY did I want a snack?
I don't know. Maybe cause I usually have desert of some kind? But I HAD desert - I had a peanut butter cookie. So that's not it. I think I was just in the mood for it. Something to do that wasn't chasing my son at that instant. That's a silly reason to give my body extra fuel.
Extra fuel. I never thought of food like that before, but that's what it is, right? Fuel. Food and water is the gas we run on.
Why am I over stuffing the tank? It makes me feel yucky. It makes my stomach hurt. So why do it?
Well, I think part of it is because we are SO out of whack with what a portion looks like. It's been very hard to learn what a serving actually is. I don't always know now. I forget to measure. Or I just don't think about it; or it's too much effort. Or I feel self conscious about it.
I also am bad at handling my emotions healthily. I don't deal with stress, frustration or anger well. And when I let my healthy lifestyle stall, I stalled on THAT as well, which has led to relapsing on practicing dealing with my emotions. It always amazes me how much everything ties together.
I was in the washroom, brushing my teeth and I noticed something looked different, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I finally glanced down, then did a double take.
I COULDN'T SEE MY STOMACH BELOW MY BREASTS!
I carry alot of my weight in my stomach, always have. Ever since Angelique-Michole died, I've really been concentrating on toning my core, and loosing the weight there - it's just too painful of a reminder to look like I'm pregnant when I'm not. So not seeing my tummy below my breasts without having to either SERIOUSLY slouch, or lean forward is HUGE. I am SO thrilled, I can't even begin to say how much!
The scale hasn't gone down, but clearly the muscle is being built. I'm SO happy!