Friday, May 02, 2014
My therapist is helping me a great deal, and I am more capable of tending to everyday life these past few days. I am incredibly lucky to have people around me who understand what I am dealing with, and who are willing to help me through. My family, friends, and even my professors have been extraordinarily kind.
Because I am resuming taking care of myself, I found myself noticing some common mistakes that I make in my weight-loss journey.
First, if it's in the house, I will eat it. Last night, I binged on Oreos. I regretted it later, but it felt satisfying in the moments. So, I'm throwing out the package. I started to rationalize keeping them, because I paid for them, but I caught myself in time. The Oreos are going to a friend's house. What did I learn from this? I learned that if I don't want to find myself eating it, I shouldn't buy it in the first place. The next time I'm in the grocery store, and I find myself thinking, "But I'll only have one serving a couple of times a week," I'll remind myself that I'm still working on learning self control, and that I can wait a few months to buy more snack foods.
I also tend to think in "either/or" terms. If I go over on calories, or feel too achy and tired to exercise, I start to think that I'm a horrible person. I realize this is an irrational thought, but I often find myself internalizing the negativity without realizing it. My new goal is to catch myself when I start thinking bad thoughts about myself. Once I learn to notice the thoughts, I can turn them around.
I used to think that I had to be perfectly in control in order to succeed. I know better, now. In the last two months, I've lost two pounds. I used to think that if I didn't lose a pound a week, I was doing something wrong, but I've learned to be grateful for the small progressions. I'm not perfect; no one is. So, I will simply continue to work hard. If I slip up, I won't beat myself up for it. Because you know what? It happens. It happens to everyone at some point. I'm not alone. I'm not stupid, or lazy.
I'm human, and I will continue to make mistakes. But I can learn from them.