Thursday, May 01, 2014
I haven't been on here in a while, and I really do need to get back in the groove of visiting SparkPeople on a daily basis. Hopefully now that my semester is basically over I will be able to do that. I finished the last of my exams today, and now all that I have left is a paper for history that is due by tomorrow at midnight, and a couple of other odds and ends that I have to run by the school. Needless to say my stress levels are still pretty high. As a worrier it's not good at all. I've been taking medicine to help keep the ulcer's at bay. I always feel like I am forgetting something on my list of to do's regarding the end of the semester, but hopefully things will turn out well, and my grades will be decent. Gotta get on the paper though. That's going to be a killer!
Now, I'll be back at home pretty much full time other than working a few hours a week at Dairy Queen. Honestly, my hours are not at all where I would like them to be, and if I don't start getting my hours I really don't know what I am going to do. I am hopeful that as a get further into my training I will have a better grasp for things. I have been with DQ for about two months now. Being back at home so much stresses me out because I don't feel like I ever have time for myself. I am the kind of person who really likes to spend a lot of time by herself, and here there are kids running around, people yelling, animals making tons of noise. It's never ending, and for that reason I'm not ready to be back at home full time. Then at work I am training in the front, and that stresses me out. I absolutely hate it in the front. I can not make a cone to save my life! It's so frustrating, and makes me want to just give up.
Anyways, enough with the negative. This summer I really want to focus on me. I never really do that enough. I just want to get to know myself better, and spoil myself, because I deserve it. In a few days I am starting a 6 month DietBet challenge, and I am very excited about that. It will be my first time with DietBet, but I feel like it will definitely be a very good motivator for me. I also really want to dive in with Vitality this summer, because it is extremely beneficial in regards to losing weight. I want to focus on healthy eating, and working out. Same old same old I guess you could say. Living in this house, it is going to be very hard for me to focus on me since everyone else needs this and needs that, but I am hopeful that I can do this. I just bought a new scale for my DietBet, well it's in the mail. And hopefully I will be getting a new car soon. I found one that would be perfect for me. Then I will be able to get my license and all of that jazz. Most of all, I just want to be happy. I find it hard to believe that I could really ever be happy in this place. It's toxic for me, as it has been the center of emotional torture for my entire life. If there were a way that I could afford to I would at least get an apartment or something but I can't afford that right now. This place stresses me out. I regret moving back here every single day, even if it was supposed to be to help my family. I feel like I am just their walking piggy bank, when they need money and that's why I want to sell off my animals so that I do not have as much of a connection to this place. I just wish they would get that I can't keep being the one to pay for all of their animals food, as well as their food, and the like. Life is just really hard for me right now. I want to find my happiness, whatever it may be. I guess only time will tell. I have missed you all, and I hope that you are all doing well!