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Jokes 4/29

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

A man was telling his neighbour, 'I've just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand pounds, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbour . 'What kind is it?'
' Twelve thirty..'

Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'


PASTOR ON HIS DEATH BED

He sent a message for an Internal Revenue Service agent and his lawyer to come to the hospital.When they arrived, they were ushered up to his room. As they entered the room, the pastor held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each sideof the bed. The pastor grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled andstared at the ceiling.
For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and lawyer were touched and flattered that the old man would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled because the pastor had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them. Finally, the Lawyer asked, Pastor, why did you ask the two of us to come here? The old pastor mustered all his strength, and then said weakly, Jesus died between two thieves, and that`s how I`d like to go.*




A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her perfect gourmet coffee.

Her son's picture is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

Her husband is on back of the milk carton.


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