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Jokes 4/29


Tuesday, April 29, 2014

A man was telling his neighbour, 'I've just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand pounds, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbour . 'What kind is it?'
' Twelve thirty..'

Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'


PASTOR ON HIS DEATH BED

He sent a message for an Internal Revenue Service agent and his lawyer to come to the hospital.When they arrived, they were ushered up to his room. As they entered the room, the pastor held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each sideof the bed. The pastor grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled andstared at the ceiling.
For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and lawyer were touched and flattered that the old man would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled because the pastor had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them. Finally, the Lawyer asked, Pastor, why did you ask the two of us to come here? The old pastor mustered all his strength, and then said weakly, Jesus died between two thieves, and that`s how I`d like to go.*




A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her perfect gourmet coffee.

Her son's picture is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

Her husband is on back of the milk carton.


Have a great day
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GENRE009 5/1/2014 2:21PM

    So funny!

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PMAY0313 4/30/2014 3:01PM

    emoticon

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JEANNETTE59 4/30/2014 11:11AM

  emoticon

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JUDY1676 4/30/2014 9:54AM

    emoticon

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LINDAKAY228 4/30/2014 8:52AM

    I love all of those and they made me giggle this morning! Thanks!

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SHERYLP461 4/30/2014 8:00AM

    cute

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FLOWERDALEJEWEL 4/30/2014 4:00AM

    emoticon

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ARTJAC 4/30/2014 1:27AM

    emoticon

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GIVEUP30 4/29/2014 10:04PM

    all of these were super emoticon

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THINFITFEMINIST 4/29/2014 7:27PM

    My kind of morning also!!

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KAYDE53 4/29/2014 6:25PM

    emoticon emoticon

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ZANYGIRL1 4/29/2014 5:11PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DESERTDREAMERS 4/29/2014 4:57PM

    Good collection of jokes!

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LINOVER 4/29/2014 4:52PM

    The lawyer//IRS agent joke was my favorite also! emoticon

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GAYLLYNNE 4/29/2014 4:26PM

    I want that breakfast!!

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1CRAZYDOG 4/29/2014 3:34PM

    emoticon

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WHITECAT19 4/29/2014 2:58PM

    Love the lawyer/IRS joke! emoticon

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CATLADY52 4/29/2014 2:11PM

    The last one got me at the last sentence! emoticon

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BATCHICK 4/29/2014 11:26AM

    hahaha! thanks for sharing, made me smile!

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TWEETYKC00 4/29/2014 11:22AM

    lol

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SANDRALEET 4/29/2014 11:14AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GINA180847 4/29/2014 11:13AM

    Thank you for the laughter this morning.

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BOB5148 4/29/2014 11:05AM

  emoticon emoticon

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