Monday, April 28, 2014
This has been an important year. This has been the year I stopped working at maintaining my weight as job to do and instead I've made it my life.
Working outside the home I spent a long time trying to hold onto old patterns of cooking twice or more a day, tracking all my food on SparkPeople, and working out every day on top of additional work. It was exhausting. I had to step back, reassess, and cut back to what I could manage versus what I wanted to do.
I tested boundaries of when I could eat as well as what to eat, even skipping snacks or realizing I didn't need to indulge every snack. Altering my diet turned out more forgiving and not as dire as I made it out to be in my head.
It is no longer necessary to enforce that I must exercise each day, too. Instead I bring opportunities for exercise into my day when and where it is most convenient, like strength training at the gym after work or doing cardio on my bike trainer at home, yoga on Fridays.
I learned to be flexible with diet and exercise which opened up further options for my social life and local support system, an area of my life I need a lot of work.
I continue to struggle with stress eating; for that I need to seek professional help. Luckily I now pay for the insurance to be able to do that. This should also help with the challenges I experience coming to terms with my asexuality, mixed with my frustrations for societies standards of sexuality, relationships, and gender.
This summer I will be moving into a new apartment, seeking new and safe relationships, working the jobs I enjoy, having some physical, dental, and mental work done, as well as getting back to a more comfortable size by allocating less time to cooking and more time for exercise.
It feels like a graduation. I haven't meant to disappear but my needs and my goals have outgrown the services that SparkPeople and it's wonderful community provides. I have gained so much here, finally learning to love my body and the bodies of everyone else, finally finding the difference between weight and comfort, sharing the struggles of so many. I will treasure those memories forever.
Being healthy and happy is how I exist. Now for the hard part: platonic dating. Yikes!