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    PDSLIM   268,626
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Jokes 4/27

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Vern's Last Days
Vern works hard at the Phone Company but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Vern! How ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Vern. "He's in my bowling league."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drinkBudweiser?"

"I recognize her. She's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Vern, starts to rub herself all over him and says..."HiVern. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Vern's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Vern follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, Calling him every 4 letter word in the book..

The cabby turns around and says, 'Geez Vern, you picked up a real bitch this time.'



For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. Furthermore, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey, she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
LINOVER 4/29/2014 4:55PM

    Good ones! emoticon

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MYAKAYAH 4/29/2014 12:26AM

    LOL, very funny indeed~

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PMAY0313 4/28/2014 6:25PM


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ZANYGIRL1 4/28/2014 11:24AM

    emoticon emoticon

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0309COOKIE 4/27/2014 7:55PM

    Two good ones, lol.

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EHLIFESSHORT 4/27/2014 7:19PM


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SUNSHINE192DAY 4/27/2014 6:53PM

    HAHAHAHAHA! Can I use these in my blog, with your credit of course?

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ARTJAC 4/27/2014 5:12PM


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JUDY1676 4/27/2014 4:17PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GERIKRAGH 4/27/2014 2:08PM


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--KREN 4/27/2014 1:46PM

    These are great jokes to tell at Rotary or Kiwanis!


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TWEETYKC00 4/27/2014 1:41PM


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CATLADY52 4/27/2014 1:34PM

    emoticon emoticon

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    Oops, Vern! And, double & triple oops to the new papa.

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IDLETYME 4/27/2014 1:24PM

    Two bad days for the men!!!! emoticon emoticon

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LINDAKAY228 4/27/2014 1:15PM

    Love both of those but especially the second one! Never going to look at spaghetti the same way again LOL.

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FERRETLOVER1 4/27/2014 1:00PM

    Great! Loved them both!

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1CRAZYDOG 4/27/2014 12:34PM

    BWAHAHAHAHA! Yup, another funeral in the works.

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GIVEUP30 4/27/2014 12:30PM

    emoticon another funeral

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SANDRALEET 4/27/2014 12:22PM

    Another Funereal on the way

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JEANNETTE59 4/27/2014 12:22PM


That Spaghetti is gonna cost a lot of Gravy emoticon

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