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    CYBERCITYSHELL   5,293
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You Can Leave Your Brain At The Door Shell!!!


Sunday, April 27, 2014

Hello Sparkies!! I know I haven't blogged in so long or even changed my status or spent more than a short time in here for so long. But I haven't left, I haven't gone mad, I am still a Sparkie. And dam right-I'M NOT MAD!!! Oh but believe me, for the last few weeks I was beginning to look at myself sideways!! I was questioning my own sanity. And I have been depressed quite a bit, but I believe I am finding myself again. The Shell I know, the weird, and even eccentric one-but not the "Mad Shell". As I've mentioned in a blog or two I have a thing about being called,or treated as if I am dumb. I grew up believing myself to be extremely dumb and maybe a little retarded.
So my first week or two were great, I loved it at my new job. Until a worker that had been there awhile started saying how I was too slow. And at first she meant at getting the job done-speed. No, not because of my weight, but putting the routine into action and doing it as quick as possible to make the routine work just like a routine should. Well, me being me has always hated routines, avoided and did whatever I could in the past to be not a routine person-as much as you can with routines to follow-if you get what I mean. I started to like my new job less and was suffering depression quite a bit of the time. Then one day when she was saying again how slow I was and she thought I needed more training, I got annoyed and we had a bit of a verbal fight. I still had more orientating to do at that stage. Things went down hill from there. I yelled to her some stuff that she was "not so brilliant at" etc and she said ah your thick. And it went down hill from there. It made her hard to work with, if I was working with her. And somehow I seemed to fit what she said "thick". It's like I would do stupid things, or not express how I'd been shown or told how to do certain things of the routine or how they do them at work.
I was starting to think I was mad, or going mad. Then today when I came home I thought of "menopause" and looked that up. It said being "perimenopausal you can get a "fuzzy brain" or brain fog or memory trouble due to the lower estrogen levels. Which can have an impact on the neurotransmitters which effect mood,and cognitive function etc. It was like a load off my mind, because the last two or three weeks I have been doing odd things and not seemed like a very smart cookie at all.And I am not a brain box, but I'm not a complete moron either. So, I am hoping now that I know what the problem is I can do something to help it. And to be a valued employee, and not a waste of space. In NZ they now have a three month period when you start a job where if they are not happy they can dismiss you from the company. So, I better show my boss and workmates that they need me!!
PS/// And blogging is always a good way for me to express myself as I do express myself better in writing. So thank you Sparkies !! I hope you have all been okay and I am sorry if I have seemed neglectful as a spark friend. It's been a busy and trying time.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIM22211 6/18/2014 1:43AM

    hey, how about an update girlie!? I dont like knowing that that person was so mean but you are a better person than her and she must need love really bad to be such a meanie!! I am getting that fuzzy brain too so it is good to know!!

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KIM22211 5/11/2014 5:13PM

    we all sure do have days like this! glad to hear from you and happy mothers day!

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CYBERCITYSHELL 5/1/2014 2:44AM

    Thanks guys!! With my job it is caregiving for dementia residents. And it can be very stressful work. There is a routine and we have to follow the routine. I am more a person who does things "my way". And I have worked on my own for so many years now, and coming along and being part of a team. Well that was good and bad. In the first few weeks it was like everyone was telling me what to do. And some telling me when I was already doing something else. But it wasn't until the run in with that lady that things went down hill for me workwise and emotionally. It's like my brain got snatched from my head when she called me thick. I seemed to be doing things wrong, or absent mindly doing silly things.
I think things are coming right.. Although I don't want to rush onto any meds that could cause worse side effects. I think I do need to look at my low moods and absentmindedness, and forgetfullness.
Thank you for your comments of support emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHILOBOOTH 4/28/2014 2:05AM

    I can relate. Have to say I think your work colleague is a bit of a moron, lacking social grace and tact. You should the silly person and give it your all.

I would recommend if you can a visit to your doc to see about some hormone treatment in the meantime. Perimenopause is not so easy and sometimes a short stint of hormones to get you through a rough patch all round can help. Especially with that depressive dark mood.

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KAREN608 4/27/2014 9:08PM

    New jobs CAN be trying and then to have a worker saying things to irk you when you are NEW and learning...!! And if menopause is getting to you, well of course it all makes sense. You show them girl, just how great you can be and just blow them out of the water!

I think my trial at my janitor job was just a month! They were all old tough men on the trustees and I worked like I never worked before to 'show' them. They had never cleaned the building or did work like it but sometimes we gotta kick it up a gear and show 'em.



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WALLAHALLA 4/27/2014 8:57PM

    I know what that menopause crap is all about. It really messes with me at times. I take Cenestin and wouldn't dream of trying to do without it.

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NATNOEL 4/27/2014 6:47AM

    Have you read the book Wheat Belly ?

It has some interesting facts about what we eat and our fuzzy thinking.

Hang in there !

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GHOSTFLAMES 4/27/2014 6:35AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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