Wednesday, April 23, 2014
I've been struggling for quite some time since My Guy passed with getting my eating patterns under control again, and using the self-discipline I've taught myself over the years. I know it's emotional eating, and this isn't new; I've been an emotional eater for a very, very long time.
My preferred comfort food is chocolate.
Last winter, I noticed I was having problems with my blood sugar in the mornings, and after a little research, I discovered that I can't digest cow's milk properly.
Guess what kind of chocolate I prefer?
Yep, milk chocolate.
I've had a several weekends in a row where I've binged on chocolate on a Sunday, and by Monday, I feel like crap. I mean really sluggish, takes a couple days for the bloating to go away, that sort of thing. And let's just keep the guilt out of this blog for now.
Knowing that I tend to binge on Sunday afternoons & into early evening, I purposely bought 3 things of chocolate, so I would only eat that, and not half the house too. It was a small amount, and I hoped it wouldn't upset my innards.
Monday, I felt like a Christmas Parade float: slow moving, big, chunky, and having a hard time maneuvering corners (lack of balance).
The last 2 days, I've been coming to terms that I just can't eat chocolate, especially milk chocolate. Yeah, yeah, I can hear some of you now suggesting dark chocolate. It's not the same, and it never will be. On the flip side, I don't eat a lot of white chocolate, either. And knowing that chocolate is a gateway to a binge, it might not be such a bad thing that I can't eat chocolate as much as I want to.
This just reinforces that I have a lot more inner soul work to do, and to find better coping tools when the mood strikes to binge.