So I seem to be in a stall. I've been in this plateau state for about a month now. I work with all the logical things about this - reminding myself that the scale is not the true measure. Noting that my measurements have gone down. Seeing that I'm buying smaller clothes. Acknowledging that perhaps my body is in an adjustment phase after losing 33 pounds...but I still have a lot of emotion swirling around and it's scary.
I am surprised to see just how much that descending scale number meant to me. Some part of me feels adrift without seeing the number go down. That part is not satisfied with the other 'size' data. Some part of me has totally bought into the big lie about the number of what you weigh.
I am also, for the first time since I started program last June, feeling resistance. When I first plateaued, I added a 2nd work-out to my day, thinking that would get me off the plateau. I liked it and got into it. But I noticed last week, that I've been missing that 2nd workout. I also was looking at my meals and decided I need to eat more veggies and less nuts for snacks.
This morning when the scale not only didn't move, but went up 1 pound again [I've been staying the same and the being up or down 1 pound], I suddenly felt that old negating pattern, resistance. Resistance to my 2nd work out, resistance to more veggies. Suddenly my program is feeling tight and limited to me, where it had not before when I was 'progressing.'
Sometimes when I'm eating out, I'll eat a little fresh-baked roll. The other day I ate more than I usually do and noticed that I 'indulged'. Later it was evident that really ate too much because my stomach felt bloated. Looking back from it today, I saw that moment where I didn't stop. Now that moment of indulgence feels a little too much like sabotage.
I guess it's time to read more about the inner processes that lead us to sabotage but for now, I'm sharing these feelings right here and hope that keeping my attention on what I'm doing, will support me in staying aligned within myself.
I always gained back weight by going 'unconscious' when I reached goal, as I said in another post, holding that 'magical thinking' that once I lost weight I could return to not thinking about what and how I eat and stay thin. Perhaps it IS being near goal that is triggering all this, but in any event, I am NOT going to follow that path. It's not a fork in the road, it is just the wrong choice entirely.