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    DEZZIEJAMES   23,338
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Operation Don't Get Fatter Pregnant: Weeks 32/33

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Gaaaaaaaah! Had a whole blog written and it just disappeared! Sparking from my Kindle. Bear with me please.

1. Getting a complex about how huge I am. Five different people on five different occasions said "you are huge" to me yesterday. I wanted to disappear. I will try to post pics of my 32 weeks and 34 weeks. And I will try not to punch the next person who tells me I am "huge".

2. Really wanted some Crazy Bread from Little Caesars last week. Stopped to get some and they were out! I stared at the clerk like he was from another planet. He pointed to a sign that was all rolled up and difficult to see that said they were out of ingredients to make crazy bread. I sized him up... really wanted to throw a fit that they had none... but seeing as how he looked fresh out of prison figured it would be unwise, so I sulked away. Next day, different clerk, got Crazy Bread. Once home opened it up, it was no where near as good as I imagined. Nothing (except sweets) tastes good to me in this pregnancy. It has been a real struggle.

3. I am in a daze. I know that in the next 6-8 weeks I will undergo one of the largest events of my life. I know that there is so much to get done before Evie arrives. I just keep going thrum the days, accomplishing what I can in preparation for her. All the while, feeling like I am stuck in some crazy sci-fi movie. Nothing feels real... except the pain (back, shoulder, calves).

4. I pee all the time. This kid is well hydrated.

5. Evie is going to be strong and healthy. The power of her kicks/movements lead me to believe she is going to be a very strong little girl.

6. The depression lingers. This loss of control has been so hard for me. As silly as it sounds, it reminds me of being in an abusive relationship. Everyone keeps saying "oh you will miss feeling her inside you, " and I want to tell them they are crazy. I don't believe I will miss this feeling. I am very ready to move onto the next chapter in my life. Who could miss peeing all the time, waddling everywhere, feeling like a beached whale, being beat up from the inside out, and worrying about everything they eat/ drink/smell affecting the development of their growing baby?!?!? Crazy.

7. Birth classes and baby shower next weekend. Putting the crib together, writing up birth plan, finding an outfit for her to come home in, and packing hospital bags this weekend.

8. In the midst of this all, I haven't missed one day of work, I have still been a stellar dance mom - my kid always has her hair done, and everything she needs. I have still organized and run countless fundraisers. I have still held my household together. I have juggled the antics of my V with her wide range of behavior problems. I remind myself of this when my will starts to falter. When I want to throw in the towel and give up. I am a strong woman and I can do this.

9. I have many photos to share. Will post them later today once I am out of work, and have everything else done. I hope everything is going well, and I am sorry I have been a crummy Spark Friend. I plan to change that once I get my body back away from this kid. Well most of my body.... guess my boobs will still be hers....

-T
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DZZLGRL 4/22/2014 1:14AM

    You are doing great! You are...."Super Mom." I hope you are still finding some time for you! I know it's difficult to do. Keep up the great work!

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UNICORN212 4/19/2014 5:39PM

    I had the pleasure this morning of getting a phone call from my daughter, who is 30 and living 2,000 miles away with my 2 grandkids. She thanked her Dad and me for all the sacrifices we made while we were raising her. Now THAT makes it all worth it.

(I always wonder if one day she will ever call and tell me that I really do know what I am talking about...I may have to wait a few more years for that one!)

The hugeness will pass and soon she will be here. Enjoy these last weeks of anticipation - the roller coaster ride starts soon!

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CRABADA 4/19/2014 3:19PM

    I'm so glad to see your blogs! I was wondering how you were doing.

I wholeheartedly agree with FANGFACEKITTY - the next person that says you're huge should be told in no uncertain terms how very rude that is. A swift kick in the shin probably isn't appropriate, but would still be deserved.

You are already a GREAT mom to V & DQ, so there's no question you'll be a great mom to EV. :) But being a great parent doesn't mean you have to love every second of it, even after she arrives, so be kind to yourself regarding the mixed feelings you're having right now.

Hang in there and know I'm here -- we're ALL here -- for you!

xox
C.



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TRIANGLE-WOMAN 4/19/2014 3:19PM

    emoticon

I'd burst into tears next time someone says something mean. I mean full fledged Oscar worthy sobs in a effort to make them feel what complete $hits they are being.

Can't wait to see pics of the little darling!

XOXO


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FANGFACEKITTY 4/19/2014 11:59AM

    You are emoticon and you will do this!

I hear you on every point! I have never missed being pregnant, peeing every 10 minutes (wait - I still do that. Darn overactive bladder! The pills really help that but then I worry about the possible long term side effects because I do NOT want to end up with dementia like my grandmother so I try do without them), being unable to sleep on my back or right side, or wear socks because my ankles are so swollen (hate going barefoot!), and just being so physically uncomfortable.

And both of mine were a month early so I didn't even have the full experience!

The next person who comments on your size...be blunt and just ask them why they would say that and what are they trying to accomplish by insulting you. If they get uncomfortable with the questions...too bad. You're pregnant, you can get away with it. emoticon

Wanting your body back, or not being in love with being pregnant, are perfectly normal feelings. They do NOT make you a bad person or a bad mom. Your experience is your own, and not anyone else's. So no one has the right to make you feel less because your experience and feelings don't match theirs.

Hang in there, this chapter is almost over!

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JCARDINAL 4/19/2014 11:15AM

    I know just what you're talking about! I remember wanting to punch all the people that would go "you're huge, when are you going to pop?" Hopefully these last weeks will go fast for you. You sound like you have everything under control and are so organized. My son was born 8 weeks early and I didn't have the crib up or anything done. Take care of yourself and have a Happy Easter!! emoticon emoticon

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POOKASLUAGH 4/19/2014 11:09AM

    Read your blogs and you know already I'm totally going to agree with you on the "won't miss them inside you" bit. I don't AT ALL miss having children inside me. I also don't AT ALL miss those infant years. Or toddler years. I wish it was easier to relate to others about that. I think people think that saying those things makes us bad parents. :(

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