Saturday, April 19, 2014
Gaaaaaaaah! Had a whole blog written and it just disappeared! Sparking from my Kindle. Bear with me please.
1. Getting a complex about how huge I am. Five different people on five different occasions said "you are huge" to me yesterday. I wanted to disappear. I will try to post pics of my 32 weeks and 34 weeks. And I will try not to punch the next person who tells me I am "huge".
2. Really wanted some Crazy Bread from Little Caesars last week. Stopped to get some and they were out! I stared at the clerk like he was from another planet. He pointed to a sign that was all rolled up and difficult to see that said they were out of ingredients to make crazy bread. I sized him up... really wanted to throw a fit that they had none... but seeing as how he looked fresh out of prison figured it would be unwise, so I sulked away. Next day, different clerk, got Crazy Bread. Once home opened it up, it was no where near as good as I imagined. Nothing (except sweets) tastes good to me in this pregnancy. It has been a real struggle.
3. I am in a daze. I know that in the next 6-8 weeks I will undergo one of the largest events of my life. I know that there is so much to get done before Evie arrives. I just keep going thrum the days, accomplishing what I can in preparation for her. All the while, feeling like I am stuck in some crazy sci-fi movie. Nothing feels real... except the pain (back, shoulder, calves).
4. I pee all the time. This kid is well hydrated.
5. Evie is going to be strong and healthy. The power of her kicks/movements lead me to believe she is going to be a very strong little girl.
6. The depression lingers. This loss of control has been so hard for me. As silly as it sounds, it reminds me of being in an abusive relationship. Everyone keeps saying "oh you will miss feeling her inside you, " and I want to tell them they are crazy. I don't believe I will miss this feeling. I am very ready to move onto the next chapter in my life. Who could miss peeing all the time, waddling everywhere, feeling like a beached whale, being beat up from the inside out, and worrying about everything they eat/ drink/smell affecting the development of their growing baby?!?!? Crazy.
7. Birth classes and baby shower next weekend. Putting the crib together, writing up birth plan, finding an outfit for her to come home in, and packing hospital bags this weekend.
8. In the midst of this all, I haven't missed one day of work, I have still been a stellar dance mom - my kid always has her hair done, and everything she needs. I have still organized and run countless fundraisers. I have still held my household together. I have juggled the antics of my V with her wide range of behavior problems. I remind myself of this when my will starts to falter. When I want to throw in the towel and give up. I am a strong woman and I can do this.
9. I have many photos to share. Will post them later today once I am out of work, and have everything else done. I hope everything is going well, and I am sorry I have been a crummy Spark Friend. I plan to change that once I get my body back away from this kid. Well most of my body.... guess my boobs will still be hers....