Thursday, April 17, 2014
Hubby is having an early dinner tonight and then attending a board meeting. He does this once a month. This leaves me on my own for dinner and a few hours after - a golden opportunity to overindulge at dinner and/or binge. For the past few months, it's been both. I used to think it was because I felt so free being on my own and able to eat whatever I wanted but now I think it's the opposite, that I feel out of control on my own.
Hubby provides a lot of structure at dinner time because when he's home I plan and cook a satisfying meal - salad, main dish, cooked veggie. And since we eat together, there is a limit to how long dinner lasts. When I'm on my own, I don't plan dinner so end up opening a can (I love rice and pork and beans with a hot dog thrown in) or eating leftovers out of the refrigerator and I keep on eating until there's nothing left. Then, with the whole evening ahead and nobody to share it with, I keep myself busy by snacking. Once that happens it's the old "I've blown it for the day so might as well binge" mentality and I'm off.
In order to survive tonight binge-free I have to have a different plan. First, know what I'll have for dinner; second, clean up the kitchen as soon as I'm done eating; third, have an allowable after-dinner treat that hopefully will avert an all-out binge; fourth, remember that I will feel like crap all day tomorrow both physically and mentally if I binge tonight and will be in an awful mood when hubby gets home - not a pleasant thing for him - and fifth, remember that lately I haven't been able to stop at one binge day, so I'll be binging for at least two or three days. Sounds so do-able and I know I can do it if I only don't give in to the "I deserve a binge" mentality - because starting a binge gives me a physical high - really like how I feel after I exercise. Energized but calm at the same time. It must have something to do with how all that sugar and carbs affect the brain.
Wish me luck.