Thursday, April 17, 2014
As I was looking over old blogs I wrote, I realized that when I first joined SP I didnít hesitate to put my feelings out there. Now, I feel that Iím beyond introspective, Iím almost reclusive. Iím not sure what thatís about.
I was about to say that I donít know what Iím doing on SP these days, but that wouldnít be correct. Itís a safe place where Iíve found kindred spirits.
I joined in a quest for a healthier diet, having watched my mother suffer more than she should in her last days in part because sheíd starved herself for years in her pursuit of being thin. SP nurtured me during the months leading up to her death, and nurtured me during the long period after when I sought to regain my equilibrium.
I wanted to run away during that period, run away from all responsibilities. SP helped me do that, except that running away turned into running. And so at age 60 I became an athlete!
In the four years since her death, Iíve struggled with delayed menopause (coming off HRT after 15+ years), a body that no longer tolerates the food that once sustained it, and the resultant yo-yoing of my weight. Oh, no great extremes of weight gain, but enough to leave me feeling miserable in my skin. Iím slowly figuring out which foods are actually friendly and which ones no longer agree with me. Throughout this challenge, running, dancing and my SP community continue to sustain me.
Todayís challenge is about simplifying my life, getting my two youngest DDs launched, and reducing the stress in my life. It sounds simple, but it isnít. The youngest suffers from never-ending depression and blames me and the world. Iíve decided that getting her set up in an apartment/condo of her own will help her, and she admitted that the idea gave her hope. Now to find something she and I can afford.
The next one is almost done with her BA Ė well, another year. This oneís the angry one, the one who gets manic. Sheís doing a better job of managing it, and she owns her issues. Sheíll be fine, if I can survive the bouts of anger.
And then thereís my house, which is just about falling down around my ears inside and out. I canít tackle the inside until I get DD out. And I canít tackle the big ticket problems until I solve her housing problems. Then Iíll see how much money I have to start fixing things up.
Yup, that's where I am today. Time to put it out there, and continue to address it publicly. That worked before, and it will work again.
Thanks for being there, my friends.