Wednesday, April 16, 2014
I have not been on here since Oct 2011. I read my last blog about how positive I was after being paralyzed and then going through the recovery to walk again. I cannot believe it was that long ago. My brain had been affected and I have just realized lately to what extent. I think I just forgot about Spark and stopped coming by. I know I would be doing something and completely forget what I needed to do.
I also forgot myself. I mean I literally felt like I was no longer the same person inside this body so needless to say I forgot what I was trying to accomplish with regards to getting healthy. At this point I don't even want to continue trying because of how lost inside I feel. Who am I doing this for. Big family dinner is coming up for Easter and I don't want to deal with anything right now. Maybe I will come back after Easter and all that is over with.
Oh ya and of course I put all my weight back on, up to 265 and at this point I really don't care. I feel like what is the point of trying if I just constently fail and then feel bad about myself.
I felt really good this morning but for dinner we had pasta, one of my big trouble foods and now I feel so completely depressed and down. Not because I ate what I should not have, but I think high carb foods are messing with my sugar levels because I suddenly, 1 hr after eating feel completely crashed out! I can't think clearly. I'm out.