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    JOANNAEDGE   13,080
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I Want Off This Roller Coaster Ride, NOW!


Sunday, April 13, 2014

I know I am cut out for this. I can do it. I will do it. I wish I could say, it's not my fault. Is it my fault. Who care who's fault it is....What can I do to fix it. I honestly believe there is much more at play here than I really know. I think I am scared. I am scared that I will be treated like a piece of meat by men. I don't want to be treated like a sexual object. Is there something in my past that has screwed me up so bad that I have to deal with first? I have bounced my weight around my entire life. I just want to be healthy and active. I don't have the notions in my head as many women (sexy, happy, find love etc.) I was a size 16 before I even noticed my weight and by the time I was 18, I was an 18. At 20 when I had my son I was 228 lbs. by 2005 I was 250 lbs. After a stroke in 2009 I was 286 lbs. That was a wake up call lost almost 50 lb. Was very close to my pre-baby weight and freaked (I think) and plateaus. After going back to college I gained 30 lbs. Lost 20 of it over Christmas break. Now stuck between 245 and 250.
IF THIS IS A ROLLER COASTER RIDE, I WANT OFF I AM SICK.
I am ready for the "lifestyle change" I need it.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
LADYHAWKES 4/14/2014 10:43AM

    Praying you find the right path....it starts with close connection and walk with God everyday for me....NEVER before did I feel this weight loss issue was "worthy" enough to trouble God for asking for help. But as I began this journey God opened my eyes to the fact that not being balanced in my physical life is important him, it opens the door for a more balanced spiritual life. Praying for you...Daniel Sparkers love to pray for your needs and journey!

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BUTTERFIYEMERGE 4/14/2014 4:33AM

    Keep writing! Keep digging into your feelings. I bet there is something there that is behind what you are feeling now. I had to do the same thing and finally found something that I had buried deep and totally forgotten about. You can do it too. Just keep on writing and searching. You can do this. You are soooooo worth the effort!
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GENRE009 4/14/2014 12:15AM

    I had to join weight watchers to learn a new life style. they teach you what , how , and when to eat. Without learning life style you'll always feel like you are on a roller coaster. Even skinner people that gain weight have problem over coming many of their bad habits. But I always say that when you get healthier you need to grow in your mind, body, and emotions. Many people need to get over their self esteem problems too. Or what ever had gotten them heavy in the first place. take care, hope this helped you. eva

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