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    SPUNKYDUCKY   58,481
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Picking myself up

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Ok, so anyone who has read my blogs recently knows that 2014 has been difficult for me. In fact, at some point I actually started feeling like a victim. One thing added to another and I actually started to believe that I could not escape this circle of hell. Marriage over. Job not satisfying. Finances a mess. Then my health gave out 2 weeks ago while I was at a conference and I ended up in a hospital in New Orleans and I felt totally alone. You know you are at the bottom when you feel like there is no way out. That feeling lasted for several days. Then it occurred to me that no one was going to save me except me. I have to be enough. The truth is, as sad as I am, I know that somewhere under all this hurt, lies the heart of a warrior.

I am stronger than this and I WILL NOT allow myself to feel or act like a victim. I will pick myself up, shake off this pain and dance in the rain. I will get through hour by hour until I can stretch it to a day. I will be positive, and I will be responsible for myself. I will seek out things that make me happy including sunlight, exercise and friendship. And I will smile and be grateful for the things in life that I am lucky enough to have.


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
CALLIKIA 5/29/2014 1:59PM

    Hey there, Love. I knew something was up, but I had no idea and did not want to pry. Know that I adore you and always will. I'm not too far away and can always be reached by phone. If you need advice, support, a shoulder, or someone to just say, "Yes, sometimes it really does suck." I'm here. Always.

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    I'm sorry you are having a difficult year. I hope you are able to take one day at a time to find something positive each day to help you get through.

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KG4PVOWIFE 5/8/2014 12:30PM

    I have been gone for months and months and just caught up with your blogs. I am so sorry to hear to hear how hard this year has been for you! I hope things have gotten better since this blog.

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PRETTYPITHY 5/8/2014 1:15AM

    I can completely relate to this -- 2014 has definitely been a huge challenge for me so far. You said something so helpful to me "I was starting to feel like a victim" -- I've been feeling that way ever since my move in August 2013. So many things have gone wrong, I've had so many setbacks and my confidence has really been tested. But I think, in some way, the victim mentality I've had is more dangerous then the real struggles I've faced. It's normal to get down about the hard stuff but when it crosses into "woe is me" (talking about myself here particularly), it has the potential to become a real slide. Thank you for helping me see that a mentality of self-help and determination will serve me much better.

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SADWHITEWOLF 5/7/2014 1:13PM


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FABAT402009 5/1/2014 8:48AM

    emoticon You are a warrior!! Here's to the next quarter in 2014 being much better than the first!! Hugs and keep riding!

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RENZRYD 4/26/2014 4:12PM

    Sorry to hear about a health problem. Glad you are getting yourself back up...convertable huh? AWESOME!

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SBHPATRICK 4/19/2014 3:37PM

    Very inspiring!

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FRENCHTOSD 4/18/2014 10:47PM

    Oh, my friend, I am so sorry for what you are going through. a hospital room in a strange city has got to be one of those rock bottom moments. My checking account has been holding steady at $0.07 for the last three weeks, so I can certainly relate on the financial side. I'm looking hard for my next place to live as the woman I was taking care of here has passed away and I really need to move on from this nice family who took me in three months ago.

I think that these troubled times are a test of our spirits, resolve and inner resources. When I think of you, Hollynn, I think of the most encouraging and inspiring person I know. You will come out of this a stronger and wiser person even though that might seem impossible today.

I' have you in my prayers and I'm sending good vibes your way. Hang in there.

XO Sharon

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MATER88 4/16/2014 9:16PM

    I didn't realize you were going through all this. But you are so brave to put it out for everyone to see. You are a warrior! emoticon emoticon

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LIZA0714 4/16/2014 1:36PM

    I have been going back and forth about whether or not to post this because I don't really know you, but I did want to let you know how much your spark people blog means to someone you don't know. And given all you are going through I did not want to add to the weight you must be feeling.

I sort of stalk you on SP, in a completely non-creepy way I swear. But your blogs, and status updates have always been inspiring in all the good ways, and being of a similar age, and similar body type and chasing my phd (not as hard as md but still occasionally overwhelming) I felt an internet kinship.

So, again in that non-creepy way, I noticed when you weren't around and wondered if you were ok. I am sorry to hear of your troubles, and you seem like one of those people who always wants things to be upbeat (probably why I like your blog so much) but I wanted to let you know I appreciate very much your sharing the not upbeat parts with the world, too. Everybody gets beat up sometimes by life, and it is hard to keep our chins up sometimes, but I found even the hard parts and that feeling you shared to be that reminder that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and it isn't always an oncoming train.

So thank you.

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MANLEYSANDY 4/14/2014 11:52AM

    You are enough!! And you will get through this!


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NUOVAELLE 4/14/2014 2:02AM

    The road will always be bumpy. Sometimes too much to handle. But the important thing is to enjoy the ride no matter what.
You are a biker and you know exactly what this means.
Think like a biker. Act like one. Keep the wheels turning and enjoy the ride.
You don't know how strong you really are until being strong is the only option you've got.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JSTCHLIN 4/13/2014 7:19PM

    You'll get through this. You are a warrior. You have the strength. You will overcome. And you will be happy and healthy. Keep SParking!

Take care and stay healthy

Your SParkFriend

emoticon emoticon

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SIXFOOT1 4/13/2014 6:38PM

    Once in a tough patch in my life, I was sitting on a bench in a park crying. An elderly gentlemen came up and sat next to me. He gently said "darling, I'm sorry you are in pain. Whatever it is you are going through, just know it won't always be like this. It won't always hurt this much" It really touched me in the moment. And I just did exactly what you said you are going to do. Just take one hour at a time, until you can take day at a time. Keep your chin up. You are indeed very strong! Added you as a friend because your profile is very inspiring. Thanks for the blog.

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FITMARY 4/13/2014 8:43AM

    Thank you so much for this blog! I've done the "victim" thing myself and it is a dead end... It's good to be reminded. Dancing in the rain sounds like a MUCH BETTER idea!
Stay strong! (notice I'm not saying "get strong" cuz, yeah, you already are....)

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DALID414 4/12/2014 11:03PM

    You are most definitely a warrior! Head up girly!!

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ISLAMOM 4/12/2014 6:04PM

    Thinking of you! I know you will get through this....! You are a champ!

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DNRAE1 4/12/2014 5:56PM

    I'm sending emoticon your way! You can get through it, just not immediately. Yup, it's one moment, hour, or day at a time. If you have time go to my blog on a Spark radio program I listened to a week or so ago. It has some things in it that I summarized from the program that might help you focus when things get bad. Take care and know we care. emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/12/2014 5:57:22 PM

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    You WILL get through this.. I went through a very similar difficult period - even wrote a story about it ... what doesn't kill us makes us stronger and YOU are indeed a warrior!!

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PEANUTSMOM96 4/12/2014 5:00PM

    Hugs, I'm here for ya!

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TADTURC 4/12/2014 3:53PM

    Just know that we are all here to support you. Keep up the fight lady, you are worth it.

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MTN_KITTEN 4/12/2014 3:14PM

    You can do this ... you are ENOUGH!!

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KITHKINCAID 4/12/2014 3:11PM

    Good to have you back! Your perseverance never ceases to amaze me. Just know that even in your worst moments, you are still inspiring other people like me.

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