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    SALLYKWITT   23,084
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20,000-24,999 SparkPoints
 
 
Cranky, Tired, Depressed

Friday, April 11, 2014

I admit it, I am a big baby. I use food to keep myself happy and secure.

Limiting my food intake turns me into another person - one that I don't like that much.

I am hoping that THIS time I can power through and get used to it. Learn to live happily on less food, less calories, less carbs, and less sugar.

If I can get to feel that this is normal for me, lots of positive changes can happen.

I have not been able to do this for over 30 years of trying up and down.

The only time I got close to my goal weight, I completely crashed and started gaining it all back.

I have always been "all or nothing" with my eating programs - or complete lack of one!

I understand now that I have always been dealing with being BiPolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, and a lot of anxiety problems. Even though I was not diagnosed until after my 30's for most of it, and after 50 with the BiPolar, it has been there the whole time.

Food has been the way that I self medicated and soothed myself.

Time to try something new.

Hope I can like myself a bit more as my moods go up and down as I get used to eating "normally".
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STEVEN2GO2 5/7/2014 10:59PM

    I was lucky I guess in that I found out I was Bi-polar 30 years ago. Also I participated in a research protocol for a year and a half and was able to keep the amazing lead Doctor as my personal Doctor for 25 years now. I have learned, sometimes the very hard way, to deal with this. First off, trusting in my Doctor and taking the medications that he prescribes for my bi-polar illness really works well. The Doctor also knows that I do use my medications faithfully. A few of the meds he allows me are 'as needed'. Which means when I start to fell unwell I am allowed to take the meds when I need to, and thankfully 99% of the time they do the job!

PICKIE98 hits on a important term 'self-awareness'. YES you recognize that you used food to deal with your illness. I have learned exercise is a great win-win for me. It helps with my bi-polar and weight at the same time. When I am feeling down just moving usually brightens my mood. I too use to use food as my crutch. My top weight 9 years ago was over 235, I do not know the top weight because after 235, I refused to weigh myself I did not want to depress myself by seeing the number on the scale! Somehow I found within myself that I did not like feeling and being that heavy. So slowly, in phases, as my illness allowed, and motivation came, I lost the weight. I had a long journey, in that it took me 7 years to reach my goal range of 155 - 165. I have been mostly successful with staying in this range for three years. Also, keeping active on Spark People helps me with support, encouragement and motivation for myself and the enjoyment of being able to support and encourage and maybe motivate (spark) others.

By the way, I tried your link with the Irish Priest, sorry to say they took it away due to copywrite laws. I am 50% Irish and would have enjoyed the video, also I am 100% Catholic!!!

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CHERIRIDDELL 4/14/2014 11:55PM

    Sally we like you ,just lose the weight to be happy and healthy !

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MARILYNROBERT 4/12/2014 1:57PM

    I understand. This week I've walked over 13,000 steps a week, worked out another hour a day, stayed under my calorie goal and I've only lost .6 lbs. And I'm exhausted without the option of using junk food to "cheer" myself up. I've used food as a crutch all my life and feel lost without it.

But I want to change and will keep on going except I'm not going to walk as much next week because I don't want to feel so tired. I know I've used sugar to give me a lift and I don't want to do that anymore. Hang in there!

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CASTIRONLADY 4/11/2014 9:02PM

    I am glad you are thinking this through. Often we just act without thinking. Stopping before we eat without thinking is half the battle. Good going.

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PEZMOM1 4/11/2014 7:22PM

    emoticon emoticon

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PICKIE98 4/11/2014 5:43PM

    Self-awareness is a biggie for weight loss, or at the very least, a healthier life,,longer one too.

You have that.. So glad you found this site.. baby steps...

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