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Confession Time

Wednesday, April 09, 2014

I try to keep focused in my blogging. Stay positive about the progress I've made, and that I can keep making progress.

But right now I'm going to be honest.

I'm worried. Worried I won't meet my next weight loss milestone.

Worried I won't be able to loose this weight.

Worried that I will push my body hard, work out hard, and still not see losses on the scale.

Worried that my trouble sleeping will keep my body from doing what it needs to do to loose the weight.

My next milestone is to loose at least one more pound by Sunday. If I can do that, I'll be right on track.

What if I can't do it in the next 3 days?

Last Sunday, my weight was up from what I was hoping/expecting to see. I was having some stomach pains, so I did my best to hide my disappointment and inside I was praying it was a fluke. That I really was having some abdominal swelling and that would lead to my weight being up.

When I weighed in this morning, I was beyond happy to see the scale starting to drop again.

I wasn't expecting it. I pushed myself yesterday. I really did. But then I came home and vegetated on the couch for the afternoon. Top that off with less than 6 hours sleep last night, and I was worried.

I am trying to sleep. I really am. I'm tired. I'm going to bed. But then I can't fall asleep. I suffer from insomnia. I know it. This isn't full blown insomnia, but I'm worried about it becoming that.

Another worry.

I could sit here and let these worries overrun my thoughts and eventually paralyze me, keeping me from being able to do what I need to do to reach my goals.

Another worry.

But I do my best to let it all go.

Take a few deep breaths if I need to.

Do some grounding exercises.

Do a check in with my body. A real check in. Take the time to notice any aches and pains, or sensations. All Sensations. Just notice them. Not judge them. Just notice. And acknowledge them.

I look back on what I've accomplished since April 1.

I have tracked every bite of food since April 1
I am drinking more water, and cutting way back on coffee
I'm paying much more attention to what I'm eating, and not just grabbing junk because it's handy.
I'm really trying to fuel my body the way it needs to be fueled for training.
I've started my training. I mean really started.
I'm not only running, I'm also focused on my cross training days. I am focusing on getting at least 2 hours of fitness on my other days.
I have lost just over 3lbs. In 8 days. Not bad really. I was hoping for more, but it is what it is. That's 3lbs gone.
I am on track to meet my milestones, and to meet my goals for the dietBet's I'm registered in.

I am doing what I can with regards to sleeping. I can't let it stress me out, or it'll get worse. It is what it is, and I have to accept it.

And I realize I am making progress towards reaching my goals.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    All this worrying is not helping or going to change a thing.... this is a journry not a will get there one day at a time.... emoticon
    1289 days ago
    Well there is bucket of worries there. So, what can I help you with?
    Insomnia. I found a link on the I Need Sleep team for a book that helped me.

    Dr. Gregg D. Jacobs is an Insomnia Specialist at the Sleep Disorders Center at the University of Massachusetts Medical School and a leading authority on the treatment of insomnia. Dr. Jacobs developed the first drug-free program for insomnia proven more effective than sleeping pills. Dr. Jacobs is also the author of Say Good Night to Insomnia.
    The e-book is available from Open Library for free.

    Please consider loosing up on yourself about your goals. One pound one way or another isn't our problem. Overcoming "all or nothing" thinking is a problem for many of us. You have a better chance at getting where you want to go if you are gentle and kind with yourself. What would you tell a friend who has the same problem?
    Our problem is too big to fix in a short time but we can fix it. Patience is key to learning to deal with delayed gratification on this journey. We would all like to lose 10 pounds a week, every week. We know that won't happen. You are a success if you track honestly, try to move more and blog about your feelings and look for new ways to deal with life. That is what got me 40 pounds lighter.

    1289 days ago
    I have been doing this for a long time...dieting.

    I never really reach my goal. I never stay on track. I go months losing a bit and then years gaining it back.

    This is the first time that I'm actually making real, steady progress and only one thing has changed: I have no weight loss goal.

    I track. I exercise. I blog.

    I lose what I lose. Some weeks, I've lost a pound, 2 pounds, no pounds, maybe even gained a pound.

    I have not set even ONE weight loss goal of "I want to lose X amount by X day".

    Do you know why it is working for me this time? Because I've stopped making it a race. This is for life. I've spent 10+ years racing to the finish line without getting there. I'd rather it take whatever amount of time it takes to reach goal than spend another 10 years obsessing about these mini weight loss goals.

    I know that doesn't work for everyone, but it is working for me. Just a thought!
    1289 days ago
    Hi there,
    I can understand where you are coming from. But you are right worrying about reaching a certain goal by a certain time can be overwhelming and cause your body to do the exact opposite to what you want it to do. Sometimes we just have to stop and realize that this is a lifestyle change we did not develop our bad habits over night so it will take time for us to develop the healthy habits as part of our lifestyle.

    Don't Stress those pounds will be gone in no time!!! Just Keep Sparking and stay true to yourself emoticon
    1289 days ago
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