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Day 13/66 - live for today

Tuesday, April 08, 2014

"If you want the world to slow down, just live for today"

Thank you, again, to everyone for being patient with me - I've had a lot of great comments on blogs and my pages + awesome goodies and I'm just starting to respond!

Boy, this illness really caught me off-guard. I was completely fine and then woke up Saturday morning with a terribly sore throat and the chills. I went to work and then straight home. I slept all day Sunday and went to work on Monday. I've spent all day in bed today but I'm feeling better...well enough to be social on SP, anyway :)

Work has been...ugh. I was gone for 2.5 weeks and came home to nearly 10 days straight of being on call. It isn't that I mind being on call, since it's just taking calls until 10 pm - don't actually have to go in to work. But it was just annoying to me that they were basically making me make up the time I'd been gone and giving me extra days on call. I said something about it and they said that they all had to take on extra days because of me. So what? It is so petty. I deserve my time off and I shouldn't have to make up for it with a week and a half on-call. When other people are gone, I take on extra days without complaint and I don't see them making up for it. The girl who is constantly on maternity leave doesn't come back and get 3 months of on-call duty. UGH.

So speaking of work, the want to "talk to me". They asked if I'm available for dinner on Friday night. No. In fact, I will be unavailable at all times unless it is during business hours. I am not going to give them 2 more hours of my time to choke down a burger while the tell me everything I'm doing wrong.

I know what they want to talk to me about: my attitude. Yep. Why? Because I'm too chatty with the staff. I apparently "loiter" with them when I should be working. Well, let me tell you something, I only "loiter" when I'm waiting to go into a room or when we've got some down time and my charts are all written up. Is it so terrible that I talk to the staff? They've told me before they don't want me interacting with them at all unless it is strictly work-related and they don't want me to loiter and talk to them about their day or the movie they just went and saw. Well, I feel like I'm in a weird middle place. I'm a doctor, so I have to act like one. But I am not a boss. So there are people "above" me and people "below" me but nobody at my "level" - the other associates don't count because one is the previous owner so obviously we're not in the same camp and the other is an angel who can do no wrong and who ,as previously mentioned, is constantly on maternity leave so we've never really gotten cozy.

How do you go to work for 2 years without becoming friendly with people? Am I supposed to show up, do my job and leave? Apparently so.

I'm a "yes" person - can you come in early? YES. Can you work on your day off (no extra pay)? YES. Can you work through every single lunch? YES. Can you drive up for a 30 minute meeting on your day off? YES. Everything is YES. Never a NO. This time, I'm going to give them a piece of my mind.

Food and Exercise - not great with this cold. I've been eating a lot of chicken soup :) I've also had ice cream to sooth my sore throat, although I think that has made it worse...I can never tell. I go back and forth wanting hot or cold for my throat.

Weight - I'm down to 182.6 and not because of my cold! It is real. Woo hoo!

So the quote at the top - I heard it on a TV show, lol, but loved it.

Especially when it comes to life (babies, work, money, etc.) I sit and think about how old I'm getting (my ovaries, too) and I realize that I spend so much time agonizing about things months or years down the road and I forget to enjoy the seconds, minutes and hours of each and every day. All things will come in their time whether I will them to or not.

I've said often that I need to focus on my gratitude list, so from now on, I'm going to TRY to express my gratitude only for the things that happened that day in particular.

Today's Gratitude List:
1) I am thankful for a day off to help me recuperate from this cold
2) I am thankful that my cold seems to be getting better
3) I am thankful for a giant pot of soup!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Seriously, don't talk to them at all??? What kind of jerks are they? I read the notice blog before this one. I will say it again, don't waste your time at that dinner. This job is not worth it any longer then you have to tolerate it. There are better things on your horizon, sounds more like these vets operate like human doctors with no bedside manner and treat nurses like crap.
    872 days ago
    You have a toxic job, Sweetie. Thank God it's over soon. You do not belong in this place where the employees are treated like cattle.

    They may want a meeting because they may have found out you are leaving. Do not take their carrot if it is offered. This place is not for you.

    I hope you are over your cold.
    874 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/9/2014 10:23:58 PM
  • v THESB25
    Hope you feel better soon. Glad you've had the opportunity to rest. The job situation sounds miserable right now. I can feel your pain. Just wrote a blog about job drama. Glad you're going to get the opportunity to get the heck outta there soon. Congrats on the weight loss! That's awesome!

    Ever been like me and get SO frustrated that it seems just when you start exercising on a regular basis at a gym you get sick??? It ALWAYS happens to me and then it's so hard to get back into the swing of things. I feel so defeated when I get sick and miss out on gym time. I get this awful mentality that I'm having to start all over again...when realistically I just need to press on and I probably haven't lost that much ground.

    That's where I'm at right now. I got sick again awhile back with bad bronchitis and I had to suspend my there goes my weight and motivation to return to the gym. GRRRRRR

    It's supposed to be nice here on Saturday for a 5k I'm doing...hopefully that will restore some hope in me! Thanks also for the reminder to stay in the my blog and you'll know I needed to hear that desperately!
    874 days ago
  • v _RAMONA
    What's the worst they can do... fire you? HA! How surprised they will be when you leave for your NEW JOB (so glad you're outta there)!

    I really like your quote... for so much of my life I lived with 'unfinished business' and worries about the future... and I was constantly in what I called the crisis loop... I was always trying to leave a tidy past (like a cat in a litter box), or hurrying toward a future that wouldn't necessarily happen.

    Truly, it wasn't until I simply settled into the present... listened to the moment... allowed myself to decadently (at least it felt so for a time) immerse myself in the NOW that life became manageable, and I felt a sense of abiding peace about myself and my life.

    My newest lesson eucharisteo (gratitude) always precedes the miracle!

    874 days ago
    Sounds like a rotten place to work - good thing you have the new place lined up!!!
    874 days ago
    That sounds like a beastly place; glad you're leaving. Happy to hear you're feeling better.
    874 days ago
    I'm thankful that you said "No!" Good going! What is WRONG with those people? Sheesh!

    Just keep repeating that mantra, "June one, June one, June one....ommmmmm."
    874 days ago
    Oh no you were sick too! My 8 month old came down with the flu. So it's been rough over here since last week.

    Anyway, your job is crazy. People are not robots, we are meant to socialize. PLUS it makes for a better work environment, when we can all talk & get a long as well as get our work done.

    I too find myself complaining, I guess, but I often have to remind myself I have too much good things going on to complain. We have to do that sometimes.

    Take care!
    874 days ago
    Congrats on the weight loss!!
    That is so weird that they do not want you talking to the staff but I can see why. There is a feudal, societal mentality in hospitals. Serfs, peasants, Lords & Ladies. You decide which is which.
    They may, mistakenly, think that friendliness among upper (doctor) & lower (everyone not a doctor) staff will cause insubordination. Or someone is complaining about your friendliness. Maybe other doctors are feeling pressured by the staff to be human & treat them as if they are human because of the good example you are setting.
    I hope it all works out for you!
    874 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/9/2014 7:37:05 AM
    Sucks that you are feeling so bad and having a tough time at work. Nice that the scale is down though! Here's some emoticon to make you feel better!
    875 days ago
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