Tuesday, April 08, 2014
We went to Dallas this past week to find out whether or not I had met the criteria to be placed on the heart transplant list. I went to the heart failure doctor back on June 29, 2013 after having experienced a major heart attack at the end of May that my defibrillator managed to bring me back from. I lost 129 pounds which met the weight requirements and I have been exercising like crazy and managed to bring my ejection fraction (measure of heart failure) one percentage point above the ranges that they will accept for the transplant list but not enough to keep my pacemaker from failing. To say the least the news that what you have been working for the past few months is no longer a reality is very heart breaking and you feel like a big failure and then you just don't know what your next step is. Everything you have been counting on for your future has just been squashed and the doctor walks out the door as he says see you back in 3 months after telling me how proud he was at how well I had done and sorry. My daughter and I just sit there looking at each other in shock.
The doctor then came back in just as we started to leave and said they do have one last thing he wanted to offer. They do have a new research project but I didn't qualify for that Friday either because my blood pressure was too low, it was 68/42, so I have to try to get it up with medication over the next 3 months, and then decide if I want to participate. It will require frequent (weekly visits to Dallas for first 6 months - 4-5 hour trips- and that would require my daughter to take off work since they still won't let me drive) and the project lasts for 5 years - a lot to consider.
Well in the meantime I am just going to press on with the 100 Day challenge and know that even though it may be what may have knocked me out of the promise of a better chance at the heart transplant list I still will enjoy life. I will not give up or give in- I am going to "embrace life - I have been re-energized' so watch out here I come.