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Saturday, as anxiety creeps

Sunday, April 06, 2014

I was still feeling a little anxious starting the moment I got out of bed. I hadn't seen my friend in probably over a year and this is never a good time to see a friend you're not as close to as you'd like. It was going to be Bingo night and I was still feeling jealous of her because of all the perceived help she was getting. I know I shouldn't be jealous as she's in a tough spot and I didn't have it as bad. No one can compare their crisis to another.

I had stayed up late the night before, so I ended up getting up later to begin with. I've been having a hard time sleeping lately. It's getting more clear that I probably should seek professional help before it's thrust on me.

It doesn't stop me from having breakfast. This is a strong habit I've ingrained into my head.

Lunch was easy too, as I simply reheated the rest of my dinner from two nights ago.

The snow was starting to melt. That's a good sign.

Mid-afternoon I grabbed a granola bar. My son's starting to get upset that I keep eating them since I did make them for him.

I had my husband purchase and make dinner. He had to go out anyhow and I just didn't feel like shopping. I have not been in the mood to shop lately. It's not as fun as usual. He decided on nachos, I insisted on grass-fed ground beef.

I have to say I did not win at bingo, like usual. Her husband is not doing the best, but is still improving. It takes a long long time to come back from a stroke. It's usually an old person issue, but it can hit anyone at any time. I feel like I'm being selfish having mental breakdowns when others are having crises too. I doubt it's my physical numbers being off, it has been coming and going since my son ended up in the hospital. Deaths? No problem. Could have died too young? That seems to be an issue. It feels like it might be (self-diagnosed) PTSD and I want to get a professional to help me through it. Maybe even just talking about it to a person that's not in the middle of the craziness will help?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I think that you are a very strong person going through a difficult time. I think that if you had only one crisis to deal with you would be fine. But multiple, is too much for anyone.

    For me, I guess, my walks (sunshine preferred) are one of the biggest helps. Having a friend, who isn't familiar with the situation would be great too. Having some me time. That feels so incredibly selfish, but remember, if you don't take good care of yourself, you won't be able to help the people you love. For me, it's getting my hair cut, family is not allowed along. I would definitely recommend getting away for an hour or so. Even taking a day and going somewhere without your family would be wonderful.

    I think just a little space and time away from everything gives perspective. A little time to rest and just take a deep breath.
    1412 days ago
    You have had some major life stresses. Of course you feel off-kilter.

    And getting professional help can be beneficial even in the best of times for helping us get out of our own way and realize more of our potential.

    But do be picky about choosing a therapist - get recommendations and reviews and interview a few before picking. You want to find someone who will ask the right questions to help you grow through these challenging experiences. It needs to be a good fit.

    Hang in there and let us know how it goes.

    1412 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/7/2014 4:50:33 AM
    It's always so hard to know when and how to get help with psychological issues. Having a kid in the hospital for any amount of time and dealing with death are both huge issues that weigh heavy on our psyche (whether we are aware of it or not). That said, there doesn't necessarily even need to be a "qualifying event" to make a situation bad enough to need to seek help. Life can be really stressful and our minds don't always play nicely with the situations that we are given. I'd check out your options, some therapists even have sliding scale fees. Also, with warmer weather on the way, getting outside more can help a lot, too. Exercise and the sun are natural mind-healers.
    1412 days ago
    Wow, your granola bars look a lot better than store bought. The DS shouldn't be upset you are having some of his granola bars since you'll make more likely right?
    If you need to get professional help do it, sometimes just talking and getting your feelings out with an impartial observer is what you need. I have done it when I have needed to do so! Praying for your getting back to even~
    1412 days ago
    Hi. I just read your blog and I hope you are ok. Things seem to be going hard for you and I wanted to let you know that you have people on the other end of the computer who care for you and are willing to listen.

    I also wanted to let you know that alot of health insurance plans have an Employee Health Assistance (EHA or EHP) included in them and they allow you to talk to a specialist (psychologist or psychiatrist) for free or discounted rate. If that's not an option they have free programs available in most cities through local churches and community groups. You may be able to google these.

    I hope this helps. I am here if you just want to chat.

    1412 days ago
    Talk things out....write things out..both help!
    looks like you are eating healthy. I wouldn't dare take photos of what I've eaten lately!
    1412 days ago
  • KAREN608
    Well it was a compliment to your cooking that your son didn't want you to eat 'his' cookie bars. Must be really tasty.

    Sorry you are having troubles.
    1412 days ago
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