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Sunday, April 06, 2014

I am sitting here having tea this morning. Sun is shining, it is 67 degrees and a beautiful warm breeze. I wonder what more could I want in life. My husband is doing great, my children are all healthy and as happy as children will ever be when they all have a family of their own. Then I think about myself. Why am I not happy with me? I am in fairly great health for being 70, I can ride my bike for 5 miles daily if I choose, I have enough money to enjoy small things in life and yet it is not enough for me. I so want to be smaller in size. I want it because I know my joints would not hurt as much, I think I could walk instead of ride my bike, I would not feel as tired. Sometimes I think that if I weighed more it would be easier to battle as you wouldn't be able to do anything for yourself. But then as I return to my thoughts I realize again how lucky I am. I have chosen to be this size and I realize that I am happy with myself because I am doing more activity because of SP. I do NOT eat everything I want or I would weigh 700 pounds. So I see for myself that I do have some discipline but not where it counts sometimes. I will NOT GIVE UP this time, that has been my motto. I will enjoy the fact that I am still attractive enough to get away with being 30-40 pounds overweight. I will keep trying and listening and reading all the advise from SP and so many of my SP FRIENDS! They are invaluable to me. When I get down, all I have to do is go to them for a pick me up. So yes, I have wishes that just one day a week I could pick and know that it will be the day that my whole day is planned and I will be 100% on track. But then I feel that if that ever happens it really won't be a life worth living because it will not have spur of the moments in it. We can't structure our lives to be on a diet. We have to learn to eat healthier but not by force. We need to do it because we are ready to live the way we eat. This will be my weekly challenge for April even though it is a little late. I will pick ONE day a week and try to eat healthy ALL day. Ok, now that is said, all I have to do is do it. I will pick Thursday this week, April 10th. OK Jude, here we go. :)
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