I seem to be in a cycle... 9-10 days on, 9-10 days off.
I woke up this morning with mysterious motivation. Packed my lunch and had a healthy breakfast instead of grabbing "whatever."
As I was doing that I was thinking about recent events. I remember not too long about posting about how I was back, and reminding myself that tracking really doesn't take all THAT long. So why haven't I been tracking?
To be honest I was asking myself why I keep not tracking when I know it doesn't take that long. "I just don't get it!" But I do get it. Almost immediately I thought of the answer.
It's not that I don't have time to track. I don't have time to buy and prepare the kind of food I feel like I "have to" have to fit in my calorie range.
Not that eating above my range and not knowing about it is any better! But going back to last December, when I magically lost 10lbs, I was cooking from scratch a lot, tons of fresh veggies, and measuring everything super carefully. I do not have that kind of time right now, but that doesn't mean I can't track and watch my calories.
So this Sunday is dedicated to planning and shopping. Not to batch cooking tons of amazing from scratch food, but to getting some stuff that works for my hectic life right now.
Namely, turkey sandwiches.
I visited my family over last weekend, which was awesome. I ate a TON - you don't even want to know - but one night we had roast turkey breast. It was awesome, like mini thanksgiving. And my mom said "yeah, your dad makes a turkey breast every Sunday." He's started doing that because it's cheaper and tastier than deli lunchmeat, and taking turkey sandwiches to work every day instead of going out to lunch. Just doing that he's lost four pounds. GO DAD!!!
As for me, I freaking love turkey, so this Sunday for me will involve roasting a turkey breast, dad-style, and making 5-6 turkey sandwiches on sandwich thins so I can just grab them every day. Also a huge thing of massaged kale salad - it's tasty and it doesn't have to be made right before eating like lettuce salad does. WORD.
I also might make some sandwich thin PBJs for breakfasts... though I have to do some testing in the food tracker first. I had one the other day and it was good, but I got hungry again real fast, and 2Tb of nut butter is 200 calories right there. Not the best breakfast option for me personally. Breakfast requires more thought.
I also plan to be more boring about dinner. Pick some obvious easy quick stuff and just eat leftovers more.
Compounding issue - Mr Turtle's work is moving offices & haven't found a new place yet, so he is working from home for at least the next month. Probably longer. I have to be careful about preplanning what will happen to leftovers, as the probability of them disappearing sometime during the day may be high. ;D
But the bottom lines are:
1) I can lose more weight. I am not some magical person who is immune to weight loss and I can't lose beyond 250. I've done it before. Also, I thought I'd never get below 260, but look at me now.
2) I am not the same person I was when I lost the first 50lbs. My circumstances have changed dramatically, and that means thinking about this as if I'm starting over again. New learning curve. New strategies.
3) I have to know myself and be careful; I have to remember why I want this. Some days there is an equal and opposite way in which I don't want it. But I need to be more mindful than that; the past few days apparently I have "wanted" stuff like crackers (what is with Ritz crackers? does anyone else have this problem? Are they made of butter + HEROIN flour? also... why did I buy them?) and cupcakes more than I want to be healthy and fit in clothes. Ridiculous. I learned a long time ago that eating crap is not a substitute for what I really want.
Lately all I really want is time. Time to relax. Time to do fun things, hobbies that I enjoy. Time to WORK OUT! Time to spend with friends. Time with family. Less work, less time at work, less time bringing work home. And no one can give me that.
I don't know why (I think I have always been this way) but I have a tendency to use food as a substitute for what I can't have. Time in this case. Or when I'm stressed, I don't really think about it, but if I think about it NOW, I guess my tendency is "I have to do this unpleasant thing. but if I eat chocolate WHILE I'm doing it, that makes it a pleasant time instead of unpleasant!" But eating junk doesn't make me less stressed, and it doesn't make the day longer. In fact, it makes me less energetic so it actually makes the problem worse.
No weight related goals at the moment... generally "get out of the 250s for good", but for now I just need to focus on "Track" and "Stay in calorie range" and "get to the gym more".
Tomorrow should be swimming. Sunday will be food prepping. Every day will be reminding myself of the unhelpful ways in which my brain works. Being aware of it does at least make it easier to control.
Don't worry too much about me, though. Even the worst day is never that bad, because: