This journey is far more than simply losing some unwanted pounds. I was emotionally battered and I didnít even realize it, since I had developed so many unhealthy coping mechanisms. I would eat to suppress and then simply laugh it off. My usual reaction after walking away from the buffet with yet another heaping plate was to shrug it off and, with a laugh, say, "Oh well, diet starts tomorrow!" or " I'm defeating anorexia one egg roll at a time". Behind the smile and jovial sense of humor was someone who has lost touch with himself in a really big way.
So many times when I was working out, I would have emotions that would erupt from out of nowhere. I would feel like I was on the verge of tears, some repressed emotion from some past hurt was surfacing. I found myself taking laps in anger and it boiled over to where I would be acting out a confrontation with someone while walking, angrily grumbling to myself. That was a form of hostility and hidden resentment that was trying to get out. I had to give my heart what it was looking for - some much needed release and resolution. I needed to recognize what was happening and submit to the process.
It took a long time, but I am convinced that self-introspection and dealing with the issues is one reason I lasted as long as I did. You may put out the flame, but if the coals are still burning, the fire will re-ignite when the right fuel is applied. What I thought was going to be yet another attempt to lose weight became a transforming, inward journey. This, I believe, is where so many fast track ways to weight loss totally fail. This is strictly my opinion but it seems that people that strip off weight fast rarely get to the root of the cause. It takes time to work through the issues. For me, the weight was an outward sign of an inward problem.
Sometimes it hurts and, when food has been used to soothe inner pain, the process can be threatening. After living a life of avoidance, it was difficult for me to face issues. Like a boil, it would come to the surface until, one day, it was lanced by confrontation. The resulting tears were cleansing to the soul.
I have found that when the feelings come, let them come with all that they bring with them. Releasing myself emotionally has been a big part of putting out the fire that has been driving my binges. Unresolved anger, and anxiety can take on many forms and their origins are deceiving. I had to go through the uncomfortable process of confronting past hurts but it promoted the healing necessary to bring about a sense of resolution and stability.
I am convinced that attempts at losing weight when emotional eating issues are at work will be doomed to failure if this is not part of the process.
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