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Link: How to Stop Giving a "Fig" What People Think

Sunday, March 30, 2014

I finally got my vlog from yesterday to post. Whoopie.

Yesterday, I read an article from Lifehacker.com I thought would be a good share.

"How to Stop Giving a F*ck What People Think"

I know we have discussed gym anxiety here. It's the feeling that if you go to the gym, you might be judged harshly by the other people there. In your mind, they are all experts at the gym. People who have is all together and look down their noses at you, the ugly fat girl or the beer bellied weakling. That is how you see you.

Sean Kim says in the article, "We accept the status quo for what it is because everyone around us does. We tip toe our way through life by doing things in order to please others, not because it's what we believe in. Eventually our actions, appearances, and lives become molded by how we think other people perceive us. How are these pants going to make me look? What will my colleagues think if I spoke out? Are those people talking sh¡t behind my back? If I take this job, what will my friends and family think of me?"

And you might add what goes through your mind at the gym.

I used to think the same thing and it tended to freeze me. I was running a 10 minute mile for three months before I signed up for my first 5k. I thought everyone was running 7 minute miles of better. I had to be goaded into it. I didn't want to look bad. It turns out that on my first race I placed third in my age group.

When I was a kid, I thought others were talking about me behind my back. My father told me to get over it. "You really think pretty highly of yourself don't you. Let me clue you in. You aren't that important to them. They wouldn't waste their time talking about you."

Harsh? To a 14 year old it was. True? You bet.

And it's the same thing at the gym.

Clue Number One: Nobody Cares About You.

Not in the we-would-leave-you-for-dead-in
-the-gutter sense. More in the sense that there are way more important things they care about.

Like, themselves.

Clue Number Two: You Can't Please Everyone

Don't even try. And you know why? Because they don't really care about you. And because it's impossible.

Clue Number Three: You Reap What You Sow

Don't be a pushover because people don't like pushovers and tend to judge them harshly. Not mentioned in the article, cowards who run away also don't get judged ... positively. There is no chance for that because they run away.

Kim goes on to make some suggestions for Reclaiming you freedom.

(1) Know your values. What's important to you. Don't give that up.

(2) Put yourself out there. Make friends. You might meet someone who shares your struggle or whom you can help. You will never know if you get intimidated and head for the safety of your Jillian Michaels DVD in your family room. Talk to her.

(3) Surround yourself with pros. Are you intimidated because you think you just don't measure up? Then hang out with the people who do it better than you and learn from them. They aren't in your family room.

(4) Create a growth list. This goes beyond just having goals. It's a list of things that make you uncomfortable. It's kind of a bucket list. I want to skip a 5k like a little girl. It's great cardio, but it looks just plain silly. Hey, I wore my kilt for a half marathon this month. Check. Maybe you want to move from the treadmill to the street. Maybe you think you don't, but you know that's a place to go. (My first 5k. Check.) Or your know you need to do the weights, but that's just for those muscle heads. Put that on the list too. Then when you do it, check it off.

(5) Travel Alone. Really? Well if you travel only with friends you only do what your friends want to do and you agree to. Traveling alone involves risk. You have to take a chance with things on your growth list. You have to talk to people, strangers. You have to bust out of your comfort zone.

I would add one. Learn how to make fun of yourself. Because Lord knows, there is lots of material there.

Mom once asked me "When are you going to shave that beard?" At the time I had had it for 20 years. She still thought it was just a phase I was going through. 30 years now.

"Well, Mom, with it I'm cute, I'm cuddly, I'm a teddy bear. I'm Santa Claus," I said patting my rather ample tummy. "Without it I'm just another short fat white guy."

My brother, without missing a beat responded, "Hmm, not much you can do about short or white is there?"

Of course it took me another four years to do something about the fat part. But it was a funny comment.

Sean Kim concludes with, "The world is already full of people who obey the status quo. But the people who don't give a F@$% are the ones that change the world. Be the latter. Start living life the way you want, be fearless like you once were as a child, and always, always stand up for the truth. Someone has to."
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow, very good. And so true! Love the line from your brother! Funny how something said off the cuff can be so profound
    1421 days ago
    I love the growth list idea. I never actually thought of writing that stuff down but I think I will. Just keep it in my wallet to remind myself. Thanks!
    1421 days ago
    love the line....I would add one. Learn how to make fun of yourself. Because Lord knows, there is lots of material there.

    I crack myself up ALL the time! Also I think as we age we become less focused on what others think...... I could care less what people think about ANYTHING I do!!!

    I make myself happy, no one else will and it is MY job to do it anyway!
    1421 days ago
    Great blog - good reminder too.
    1421 days ago
  • PHOENIX1949
    Enjoyed the article link and the blog. Thank you.
    1422 days ago
  • BOPPY_

    Lee emoticon
    1422 days ago
  • GENRE009
    great blog, that'll get them thinking, if they choose to think! I think there is also another element you left out. many people who want to please others, that act like they are spineless, can't usually make decisions. they might become co-dependent in life because they need or want others to think for them. Or maybe they are like my sister whom was abused verbally by my mother who was critical. While my mom was alive they fought a lot. my sister fought to be different. now my sister is like my mom's clone.I have a friend who sweeps everything under the rug. he tries to not make decisions about people whom are not nice. Or ignore pressing problems. Eventually everything comes back, and bites him in the butt. then there just might be people like me, who didn't want to fit in with the popular people. I was taught to leave the nest & be strong, & think for myself. That wasn't even allowed in college for a long time. You know when you need to stop following rules, and make up your mind. I wouldn't let rich or shallow kids dictate to me whom I should be friends with. So I found refuge in the out casts, and real people who weren't a nasty excuse of a human being.
    1422 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/30/2014 11:25:31 PM
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