Sunday, March 30, 2014
Over the past 2 years, I've struggled with finding the time to workout and be healthy. I've fallen back into very bad habits, including not working out or eating right. As a result, I've gained back every bit of the 46 pounds I previously lost. This, more than anything, has been a big blow to my self esteem and confidence.
I made an announcement on Facebook to all of my friends and family that this year I would lose 75 pounds. I have only gotten to work out twice and have been teetering back and forth between 5-8 pounds lost since then. I know that when i dedicate time to work on myself, I am fully capable of losing weight…. The issue I'm finally identifying in myself is that I've lost confidence. Not just in how I approach weight loss, but in my decisions, how I look, and how I perceive what others think about how I look. I've been feeling like a 3rd wheel in my personal life and just down in general when it comes to participating in things. One main difference between the last time I weighed what I currently weigh and now is that before, I didn't realize how big I was. Now, after having lost such a large amount, I can literally feel the difference in my body, how I move, and what I look like.
My point in this blog is to release some of this inner turmoil because I recently made a pretty big decision. I have been trying to juggle a lot of different things, quite possibly to get a feeling of success back. However, I have recognized that I have way too much on my plate (work, school, homework, raising a pre-teen, and running a Cub Scout pack & den). I made the decision to quit my job so that I could reduce some of the stress in my life and re-gain myself. By doing this, I have given myself much more time, cut down on my commuting times between work/school/student teaching placement. It will allow me to take a different, shorter route home that (ironically) goes right past one of the locations of the gym I joined a couple of months ago.
In quitting my job, I made the decision to start going to the gym at least 3 days a week right after class. I have a goal to prep my gym bag the night before and hang it on the front door handle so that I don't forget it (because I'm really good at forgetting important things, including my purse on occasion), and drive directly to the gym after class. I will not pass go, I will not go eat an unhealthy lunch/snack, I WILL collect my dignity and self confidence back along the way.
I want to get back on track and lose a significant amount of weight for what is remaining of this year. If I want to get to my goal weight, I quite literally have to lose an entire person... I'm talking a grown, woman of a healthy weight… off my body. What a horribly daunting task! But, not only do I have the Spark community to support me along the way, I'm very lucky to have an extremely supportive social circle of people who have or are currently pursuing similar goals; many of which who have been successful and are inspiring me to finally make a permanent change in my life.
What do I want? I want to FINALLY get healthy. I want to FINALLY put my past hurts and disappointments behind me. I want to FINALLY live my life to the fullest and stop watching from the sidelines.
I will be successful and I WILL NOT ever give up again.