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    LILLIPUTIANNA   21,148
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20,000-24,999 SparkPoints
 
 
Reality Check

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Twelve pounds. That’s it. Just twelve. That’s all I need to lose to reach my goal. I’ve been staring at that goal for years.

When I log into Sparkpeople, I see articles about people who lost 50, 100, 250 pounds. I read about their horrifying health issues that prompted them to lose that weight. I recognize that my twelve pounds is pretty pathetic. I feel guilty for being so petty. Twelve pounds is nothing.

There are people here on SP, who if all they had to lose was twelve pounds, they’d be deliriously happy. Yet, here I am...beating myself up over it. I just read about a woman who lost 65 pounds and before she lost the weight, walking felt like stepping on shards of glass. I can’t imagine that. That is terrifying. My heart absolutely breaks for anyone who experiences anything like that. Yet here I am, fussing over twelve pounds.

“But twelve is just a number!” you say. (You are a good little Sparker. That is the right thing to say.)

It is just a number, but it’s a number that keeps causing me trouble. It shouldn’t cause me trouble. I should be happy that it’s only twelve pounds...not 50, 100, or 250.

My husband was shaming me in front of a friend the other day. “She thinks she’s fat,” he laughed. “She’s always going on about how fat she is.”

I know he means well, but I felt like crawling into a dark cave and hiding there forever.

Yes, my weakness is feeling like I’m fat, no matter how thin I am. I will probably always be that way. I know it’s irrational. I know that there are people out there who have a much harder time at this than I do. I know that twelve pounds is nothing compared to 50, 100, or 250.

Those of you who struggle against health issues and much more imposing goals inspire me. Your strength amazes me. When you see someone like me whining about twelve pounds, pay us no mind.

Stay strong Sparkers.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TURBO-GIRL 4/23/2014 5:48PM

    Believe me, I competely understand it. Right now I need to lose probably about 8 or 10, which is nothing in comparison to the successes that others have had...and yet I still struggle with it! Just remember that no matter where you start on your weight loss journey, it is usually those last pounds that the body will fight the hardest to hold onto...so don't give up. :)

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UNSWEETMAMA 3/31/2014 4:24PM

    Oh, please. It's a lot because it is yours to bear. I lost half of myself (140 lbs) and I feel the same way you describe when I think of the folks that started out above 400 or 500 pounds.

It's all relative. If that is the number that you need to conquer, then it is your challenge.

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TIME_TO_SHINE1 3/30/2014 4:04PM

    emoticon sorry your husband mad you feel bad. Don't feel bad because you fret over 12 pounds. To you 12 pounds is like someone else's 20 or 25, we all have a number that is the perfect to us. Try not to worry too much and enjoy where you are.

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LILLIPUTIANNA 3/30/2014 3:35PM

    It's a valid point, Trixy. My BMI is officially in the healthy range and it is possible that it simply doesn't want to go any lower. Those twelve pounds are definitely vanity pounds. Again, I feel ridiculous letting those last twelve pounds dominate my life.

Comment edited on: 3/30/2014 3:35:27 PM

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TRIXYMAHOGANY 3/30/2014 2:19PM

    Did you ever think about the possibility that maybe your body is happy where it is? Living a healthy life is what really matters, not some number on a scale.

But still, I think I know how you feel. Try not to let it get you down. emoticon

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VICKI-B-N-FLA 3/30/2014 12:55PM

  Shame on your husband for embarrassing you that way. Twelve pounds can be to you like 100 pounds is to me. If it makes you unhappy, it needs to go. Just try to lose it in a healthy way. Maybe tweaking your diet a little; cutting back on the sodium can make a HUGE difference.
I'm rootin' for you. emoticon emoticon

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