Sunday, March 30, 2014
Twelve pounds. That’s it. Just twelve. That’s all I need to lose to reach my goal. I’ve been staring at that goal for years.
When I log into Sparkpeople, I see articles about people who lost 50, 100, 250 pounds. I read about their horrifying health issues that prompted them to lose that weight. I recognize that my twelve pounds is pretty pathetic. I feel guilty for being so petty. Twelve pounds is nothing.
There are people here on SP, who if all they had to lose was twelve pounds, they’d be deliriously happy. Yet, here I am...beating myself up over it. I just read about a woman who lost 65 pounds and before she lost the weight, walking felt like stepping on shards of glass. I can’t imagine that. That is terrifying. My heart absolutely breaks for anyone who experiences anything like that. Yet here I am, fussing over twelve pounds.
“But twelve is just a number!” you say. (You are a good little Sparker. That is the right thing to say.)
It is just a number, but it’s a number that keeps causing me trouble. It shouldn’t cause me trouble. I should be happy that it’s only twelve pounds...not 50, 100, or 250.
My husband was shaming me in front of a friend the other day. “She thinks she’s fat,” he laughed. “She’s always going on about how fat she is.”
I know he means well, but I felt like crawling into a dark cave and hiding there forever.
Yes, my weakness is feeling like I’m fat, no matter how thin I am. I will probably always be that way. I know it’s irrational. I know that there are people out there who have a much harder time at this than I do. I know that twelve pounds is nothing compared to 50, 100, or 250.
Those of you who struggle against health issues and much more imposing goals inspire me. Your strength amazes me. When you see someone like me whining about twelve pounds, pay us no mind.
Stay strong Sparkers.