Sunday, March 30, 2014
It is 3:30 a.m. as I write this short blog. I haven't blogged in a long time as I let myself take a break from eating consciously and taking really good care of myself. I am a rebel. I rebel against anything someone tells me to do. Even if it is something that is actually good for me, such as going to bed at a time most other people go to bed and sleep. I find myself climbing into bed anywhere between 2 and 4 a.m. There is no scolding parent around to yell at me and force me to slow down and end my day before the next one has technically begun.
My cause now is to stop rebelling against myself! I sometimes still choose to do or not do things based upon childhood experiences with an unreasonable and sometimes just plain controlling father. I am about to be celebrating 58 years on this planet and yet I realize that at times I feel like I'm only 8 years old. That's when I let myself stay up too late to watch tv, or eat that cookie, or not do the dishes, and the list goes on. I think I'm ready to grow myself up and begin to re-parent myself in a kind and gentle way.