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    ALEX_V   5,123
4,000-5,499 SparkPoints

Friday, March 28, 2014

Warning: Rant Ahead...

I think that a big motivator for me to lose weight is clothing. I avoid going out because I don't own any clothes that make me feel good about myself. The reason why I don't own any of these clothes is because I keep thinking I'll lose weight, and I don't want to purchase clothing that will only fit me for a little while.

All I really want is to be able to wear a pair of jeans that are flattering. The jeans I own now (all TWO PAIRS of them) are baggy in my legs and skin-tight around my hips. I refuse to buy an expensive pair of jeans because "I'm going to lose weight." I am just sick of lying to myself. The weight isn't going to come off quickly. I can't keep putting my life on hold because I don't own any clothes that make me feel confident about my body.

This isn't the most uplifting blog in the world, but I just needed to rant. I think all of this sparked from my watching "What Not to Wear" on TV today. The young woman on the show was hiding behind her clothing to hide her larger physique. She wore unflattering jeans and hoodies. This is what I wear on a daily basis, except for when I'm teaching. My teaching clothes are really unflattering for my age because I'm ashamed of my size. I buy baggy sizes, and I am constantly wearing cardigans or sweaters to cover up my fat rolls. But what happens when it gets to be summer, and I can't wear cardigans without looking like a fool?

I am throwing myself this pity party because I need to vent about my frustration with myself. I'm so sad that I let myself get to this point. I used to be really attractive (though I would have never admitted it to myself at the time). My weight gain began when my ex-boyfriend broke up with me 3 years ago (pathetic - I know). I've gained about 80 lbs. since then because "I was unloveable." I know that this is not true, and that is why I began this lifestyle change. I know that I have to love myself before I get involved in another relationship. I want to be comfortable and confident in my body. So, as I was writing this rant of mine, I've decided that I'm rewarding my 20 lb. weight loss with a small shopping trip...maybe a new pair of jean capris and two tops for summer.

Thank you to whoever stuck around to read this. I appreciate all of your support thus far in my weight loss journey, but today just took a toll on my emotions.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LJCANNON 4/2/2014 5:48PM

    emoticon Wearing attractive clothes that make you feel Good about yourself is VITAL to Succeeding, I think. Have you checked out Second Hand or Thrift Stores in your area? It is a bit like a Treasure Hunt, and you may visit a store several times and find Nothing--then on the next trip you will find almost more than you can carry out!!
emoticon I promise you that the clothes I wear now are MUCH better quality than they were before I lost weight and I have not paid Full Price for very many of them.

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DEBADEAU 3/30/2014 8:21PM

    I have been in your exact situation. I had an ex boyfriend cheat and I felt worthless and I gained about 40 lbs a year for the few years after that had all happened. I'm not buying expensive clothes right now either because I want to spend the money when I'm at my "goal weight," so I thrift shop for stuff now. I'm actually enjoying the thrift shopping as much as spending the money on the expensive things. You can get a lot of bang for your buck, so if that's not something you do, maybe give that a try. I have the same problem with jeans. Since I'm "apple" shaped, I rarely find them where they fit right in the legs because my waist is so large. You'll be out of the funk soon and you are pretty no matter what size you are! Embrace it :)

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STICKING2IT2013 3/29/2014 6:53PM

    I think your "rant" is a completely relate-able post my dear. I find myself out looking for clothes for myself, and just get frustrated and instead buy more for my children (who I assure you, do NOT need more clothing!). But you are right - you need to live in this moment. A couple new outfits is not going to be too wasteful in the long run, especially if they can make you feel even a little good now.

The other day, as a reward to myself, I picked up some cute work out wear. I can still see my rolls in the top, but the lady at my gym actually commented on how cute I looked. And you know what? I felt cute. I felt good about myself.

That's what's truly important. It's hard to completely rebound from those rough times (I can relate to the relationship bit as well), but the baby steps do add up. You're making great progress, and you're going to continue to kick *butt* - I can see it! So go shopping, find something cute to wear into the summer months coming, and don't fret on how long they'll stay with you. They're just good friends passing through, to make way for better ones. ;)

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MEGAMITENCHI 3/28/2014 10:44PM

    I know how you feel! Even more so in a way because I *love* clothes, and the stuff they make for bigger women is crap. But I hate shopping because I'm too big to look really good in anything, no matter how much I love the cut/style/color, etc... and everything IS expensive. I have one pair of jeans and they cost me flipping $90 because they're made for big girls! It's sick to think back on high school and I could buy fun trendy jeans for $20 and look awesome in them. I love that you're 20lb goal is to do a little shopping! Remember that clothes you like and clothes that fit well *will* help you feel better about yourself. It's true with self-care across the board, because you're taking time and effort and spending it on YOU.

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JENNYMARIEC 3/28/2014 9:57PM

    I know exactly what you are talking about! I also struggled with not buying clothes the right size because I didn't want to waste my money on something I would only wear for a little while and then not fit into any more. But finally, in January, when I was at my heaviest weight ever, I went on a $300 "What Not to Wear" shopping spree with one of my best friends. (We are both kind of obsessed with the show and had planned this weekend shopping trip for a long time...before I gained about 10-15 pounds). I couldn't let my friend down, so I bought lots of stuff I loved but guess what? Since then I've dropped about 25 pounds, so of course almost nothing fits anymore! But yet I don't really regret spending that money, because I think it was a sign that I loved my body, and was willing to invest in it, regardless of how much I weighed or how I thought I looked.

So moral of this really long story - definitely go buy yourself some new clothes. Maybe don't spend quite as much as I did, but you deserve to pamper yourself, even if the number on the scale doesn't match your ideal!

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BABYSOX 3/28/2014 9:13PM

    You are absolutely right. You need to live your life to the fullest and do not wait to get to the end. I find that if I buy flattering clothing during the weight loss process, I feel good and it contributes to more weight loss. I may not wear the clothing for long, but they are worth every penny I spend. It does not have to be a complete wardrobe, just a few pieces at a time. In fact, I remember when I lost weight in my face, I invested in a hat that I love. Have fun on your shopping spree!

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