Friday, March 28, 2014
I haven't written lately cuz I can't write about what is going on right now. It seems everything has been affected by that. Work, friends, eating, eating and exercise.
Work, some ppl can't keep their mouths shut and went to my boss I put my two weeks in with and told him the "truth" why I quit. No that was not the truth. That was a piece of it. I am so happy I found a new job. Considering today is finally my last day and pretty much the end of the season until fall. I will be trapped in my car with this certain someone for 3 hours today. Then I will be losing her number asap. Lesson of the week, women can not keep a secret if their lives depending on it. I keep finding I can't stand one person at this job. Then I look behind me and figure out someone even closer to me is so much worse than other person. ok almost done!
Friends, one friend has gotten super weird about my news. She is anti children and it seems this news is something against her. She is ignores the topic totally yet we are good enough friends she still tells me about her TOM. Not sure she thinks she is losing me or will soon. Maybe she's ready to cut me off ahead of time. I have no idea, all I know is I have no motivation lately to contact her. I don't need excitement from her but ignoring me completely and not caring what so ever is not a friend. Especially when she was one of the first ppl I confided in 5 weeks ago and one of my best friends.
Eating has not been stellar. I am trying my best lately. Still logging each and every morsel that goes in my mouth just like I promised I would do if this finally happened. I shouldn't be so terrified I know. But losing so much and then going to having control. It is terrifying, how can it not be? I am just doing my best. My issue is I go from feeling icky to starving to death. I will be out on a walk with the dogs and have left feeling sick and in the middle become starving to death and then faint I am so hungry. Just carrying more snack bars in my pockets. So yeah calories havent been too low lately. But also I don't feel like getting full lately either. Just eating more little meals.
Exercise, I so wanted to run thru this period of time. I took off the first 5 weeks. Week 6 I attempted to run and got a quarter mile away and pulled a muscle around my hip.... Hobbled home and hurt for 4 days. So uhhhh ya that's why I havent run and it's killing me. Plus I have no energy to run. My dance class doesn't bother me at all. So I shouldn't be complaining cuz I have that.
I am still terrified to jinx any of this so not getting hopes up. Just figured I finally needed to write about this since I haven't wrote in a week today and it's because I couldn't mention any of this. Making blogs really hard and I really depend on spark for eating and exercise issues to be typed out. This has been one of my big worrisome of losing control and I need you guys for it.