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    HARMONIUM   182,454
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I understand my passive-aggressive inspired binge

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Yesterday I had a brush with a passive-aggressive person. The scenario is that I say something about the world in general and what puzzles me or what I think. And the person responds, more or less, with "You don't like me". Or "You make me feel like quitting." I am flabbergasted. Let's say I'm talking about the excellent schools in Finland and this person responds that (because she went to school in Japan or France, say, for example): "Oh, you want me to give up!"

I'm taken aback. That's not what I meant. Instead of saying "Why do you think this is about you?" or "Why are you trying to goad me into defending myself about something that has no relevance to you", I end up feeling scared and bad.

Instead of going into all the reasons I felt that way, I also felt that I needed a heavy dose of white carbs to soothe myself. This is the kind of scenario in which people fall off the wagon. It's the kind of scenario in which addicts turn back to their addiction.

I've learned something big, however----I can avoid talking to the kind of person who has littered the field of ordinary conversation with personal land mines. It's on me to avoid this kind of person until my ego is stronger.

I binged and I hope I have learned: if others still have the power to make me feel so wretched that I turn to my drug of choice, white carbs, I must work harder on myself.


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
FITAT50 4/1/2014 3:55PM

    Maybe you had to go through this to learn to avoid those types of people. This person was looking for a reaction out of you, good for you to NOT say anything. Remember they have no power over you.

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TREV1964 3/28/2014 7:18AM

    We have a saying here in the UK that is particularly identified with the northern counties and it goes like this:

"There's now't so strange as folk"

At the end of the day your intentions are good their reactions not so favourable - my response to people like this is simple.



"Their Loss"

No worries



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MONETRUBY 3/27/2014 9:18PM

    Good on you for learning something about yourself, and how to deal with such a person. I hope you can avoid this person, so you don't have to deal with them so much.

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GARDENCHRIS 3/27/2014 10:31AM

    Learn to just walk away , or ignore these type of people, you will much better of. You are not responsible for how they feel only you have control of you.

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PKCTTS 3/26/2014 10:53PM

    Good for you giving it some thought and finding some better strategies for dealing with it.

And, definitely, remove from you life anything or anybody who makes you less than happy on a regular basis.


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1SALMON1 3/26/2014 10:22PM

    The people in the world who do not want to get better, who only want to win, who seek always to keep focus on themselves - these people must be recognized and avoided. They wreck havoc. I hope you are back on top of the white carb issue (havoc!) and can avoid that person in the future. You deserve better associates! emoticon

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MADEIT3 3/26/2014 7:48PM

    When you're being abused - and passive-aggressive bullying is abuse - the best thing to do is exactly what you figured out. Leave. Good for you!!

Bullying is always about the bully and never about you. So no need to feel shame and self-blame. I worked for a P/A bully for 12 years and learned a lot of lessons from that experience. Sounds like you are learning the same lessons, and I'm sorry for the reasons you need to learn them. I will tell you that based on my experience, it will make you stronger!!

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GODZDESIGN95 3/26/2014 7:20PM

    been there done that. I so wish I could over come that. We give them power over us when we allows them to get into our heads like that. Some folks are not happy unless they make you are miserable. There is an old saying stick and stones will hurt my bones but words will never hurt me. That is just not true. I am learning to take the power back. emoticon We can do this.

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LE7_1234 3/26/2014 3:42PM

    Sorry you had to deal with that.

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BONNIEMARGAY 3/26/2014 3:00PM

    May we all find freedom from toxicity!

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SPARKCHANTAL 3/26/2014 2:37PM

    sounds like a bad case of 'umbilicus mundi'

which means 'belly-button of the world'.
always needing to be center of attraction, in control, at the wheel; the rest of the world is there to suit MY (HIS/HER/THEIR) needs.

it's an epidemic that has captured the planet. we're born that way! it's wonderful, so why should we give it up????

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POPSY190 3/26/2014 2:34PM

    One of the things I've found about retirement is that I can afford the luxury of just removing most such people from my life. It's just so refreshing not being caught up in their power games.
I agree with everything KWING wrote (one of those mothers too!). All the best in defeating those white carbs!

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HIPPICHICK1 3/26/2014 12:17PM

    Oh dear! So sorry to hear about this.
Passive-aggressive people are everywhere. My mother is PA. It was tough growing up with such a person. My tactic is to disengage when someone is being PA with me. My friend calls PA people "frenemies" or friends who are really enemies.
Maybe some spring cleaning is on order!

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KWING517 3/26/2014 9:23AM

    Yes. Thanks for putting this into words.

My struggle is with people who always act like they're better than me. My SIL's FAVORITE phrase in response to a story is "Oh, that's NOTHING, here's what I did...." Not kidding, if you have a meal with her, I garantee you will hear that phrase AT LEAST 5 times. That's when I hit the chocolate.

I can't avoid her, but I do try very hard to stay occupied when she is in the room, and I never tell stories or "interesting facts" when I'm forced into conversation. I just listen to her drone on and on about herself. Then I still usually hit the chocolate.

Thanks for posting this, it opened my eyes to what I am letting her cause me to do. It ends today.

Hope you have a great day : )

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