Disclaimer: If you are reading this, it is highly likely that you are a human.
I don't mean that YOU aren't smart, you are fabulous You are a Spark Person, which I find are typically more intelligent than regular humans.
So if you can understand I am trying to make lemonade out of these lemons in a silly and light hearted way, than you may proceed to the blog! Bonus points if you are an animal lover.
The back story here is going to be rather vague... this is intentional. Partly because I don't want to put so much out here on a public forum that involves other people. I don't mind sharing anything about myself with you fabulous people, but when it comes to others, I am careful about not going into too much detail. The other part of the reason is that I don't want to rehash things from years ago, and put myself in a deeper state of hurt than I am already in.
The short and fuzzy version is, I lost a friend yesterday. No no, they did not pass away, they simply chose to walk away. This person was a guy, who was my friend for 5 years, and there was a part of that time that were more than friends. To be super blunt, I really did think I heartsied him at one time. To be perfectly honest with you, I don't think I really know what
is, but perception is reality, and that is what I thought I felt. He simply didn't feel the same way about me. I do believe he cared about me as a friend, at least back then. We are not friends that spend time together, only talk (type) at work, but he was still a friend. After 5 years he has decided that because of our "history" we can no longer really be friends or talk at work. He reduced our friendship to "occasional emails" which just hurt even more. I can understand why he chose to make this decision, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I know if he was able to cast me aside after 5 years, he isn't truly a friend. It is upsetting, as he was the one person I thought would never hurt me, but hey, I'm often wrong.
I also realized the person I talked to on the phone that morning... well, HE talked, and I sobbed LOL, was not the same person that I thought I
'd all these years ago.
Anyways, that part was way longer than I hoped, and it didn't say much. Let's get to the animal parts. This morning when I came home, my dog Sparky instantly knew something wasn't right with me. We went through our coming home from work routine, he got to go potty, showed me his toys, I fed the guinea pigs then he got his cookie. We got into bed and I started sobbing. This poor dog was so concerned. He was sitting on me and looking at me like "what is the matter?". I am one of those people who talk to their animals, and I have no shame.
I told him that mommy was sad but that I'd be okay. Then I started in on the ugly cries, you know the kind.
It's uncontrollable, your nose gets filled with snot, and you are gasping for air because it is just that intense. Well this poor dog was determined to help me. I don't know if he thought he was giving me CPR to help me breathe or just showing me love, but when I would breath in and make that gasping noise, he would lick my mouth. Super gross, right? LOL. Which would make me laugh and tell him no. Whatever he was doing, he knew he was helping me and trying to get me to feel better. That is why I say that animals are smarter than humans. He comforted me in my time of need... in the mean time a fellow human was able to cast me aside as if I didn't matter anymore. It is amazing how someone can hurt somebody so deeply and seem as though they don't even care.
This is not the first time Sparky has comforted me. I am not a cry baby, I swear, but January of 2013 when I got him, the first week was touch and go. He lifted his lip at me twice, for no reason, after crawling into MY lap lol. He also snapped at Sheldon a few times but never tried to hurt him. It was a new home, his previous family had dumped him at the shelter, and he had shown bad cage behavior. Well I'd show bad cage behavior if my owner dumped me there too. Anyways, I was on the fence about keeping him, because of the behavior I had seen. When he would lift his lip, I worried he might bite me but he never did. What I realized later is he wanted to be comfortable and trusting with me, but he wasn't sure yet. That is why he would lay in my lap, and eventually lift his lip. It was his way of saying "I think I like you, but I'm not 100% sure about you yet!" Well I was crying, it was stress over a boy (GO FIGURE!! ;)) and stress over not knowing what to do about Sparky. He came on to the couch, sat next to me and gave me one single lick on the cheek, as if to say "don't cry, you'll be okay". It was that very moment I knew that this was a loving and loyal dog, that just needed time to adjust to his new home. Ever since we have been the best of friends, he never leaves my side, he protects me when we go walking, protects our house, but is so amazingly loving to those he knows. That dog has so much love to give, and I do my best to give it right back to him!
Anyways, my NSV was that in all of this, I have not turned to food! For an emotional eater from way back, that is unheard of LOL! In fact, not only have I not turned to food, I've actually not had much of an appetite. I am still taking care of myself and forcing myself to eat, but it was nice that I didn't go running to the fridge or the drive thru when I was hurting.
If you have a pet, do me a favor and give them a little extra love today. I know that you give them tons and tons of love everyday, but give them a little extra pet from me, because they are truly magnificent!
This is my go to "stop crying song" lol. If you are sensitive to the D word, do not click on this. If you are allergic to country music don't click on it either. They pass her off as country but I don't know that I buy it.