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A few late nite jokes

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Authorities in Wisconsin are searching for the owner of a kangaroo after it was caught walking around outside in the frigid weather. That's got to be frustrating for the kangaroo. Walking around in freezing weather, knowing you have a pocket, but your hands are too short to put them in it. --Jay Leno

Japanese Sumo wrestling officials may start allowing wrestlers now to wear pants. Ah, great, there goes the sex appeal. --Dave Letterman

Federal officials entered a Wisconsin classroom and seized several giant African land snails because they're considered a health hazard. Officials rounded up the snails after a two second chase. --Conan O'Brien

There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting. -David Letterman

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. -David Letterman

There's only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior. And, I believe - because I've done a little of this myself - pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing. -David Letterman

Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it? -David Letterman
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