Thursday, March 20, 2014
So I'm 1 week into my "eat to perform" challenge of 1800-2000 calories and heavy lifting.
The first few days did not go well. I had no problem eating the calories, but they weren't "clean" calories. We ordered out, I went to dinner at my in-laws house (complete with cookies and ice cream). I wasn't keeping track of my macros. I cheated and got on the scale. It was up in all of my measurements, including a HUGE increase in BF%.
I was fed up. I felt awful and bloated and just... ugh.
Kim looked at my nutrition list and pointed out all of the ways I could have eaten cleaner. She told me for 2 weeks... no bread, no pasta, no sugar. If I couldn't commit to even that, then I wasn't committed.
So fine. I'm on day 3 of no bread, no pasta, no sugar. Coffee without any sweetener is awful, btw. It's almost impossible to eat enough when eating totally clean like that. I still allow myself train mix, which has chocolate in it, but other than that, nothing. I can't just eat 500 calories of trail mix at the end of the day :/
It's going to take more planning to do this. More thinking ahead, more preparation, and good lord we all know how much extra time and energy working women with twin toddlers have lying around. :-P
I was in a deep funk for a while. Don't judge me too harshly, but I actually had the thought cross my head that I would rather die than have to continue living in this body. Which is ridiculous on SO many levels, but that's where my head went.
Anyway, after 3 months of doing CrossFit-style workout at the gym at work, I went to an actual CrossFit class last night. I loved it. I did so much more than I thought I was capable of, and even though I was the slowest person there, I completed the entire workout and everyone was cheering for me at the end. Once my tax refund comes in I think I will sign up for membership.