Wednesday, March 19, 2014
"Mary, Mary, quite contrary. How does your garden grow?" Isn't that how the nursery rhyme goes? It's been stuck in my mind ALL day, quite aptly if I do say so myself.
I don't have a garden but I can feel myself sinking into quite a contrary funk. I made the decision when I started the Whole30 challenge do to do daily weigh ins. It's something I've done in the past and its helped me stay focused. Of course last week, when the scale kept going down, down, down, I thought it was the best thing EVER! It was great to see a representation of my efforts but lo and behold, week 2 arrived.
This week the scale is all over the place, down, nowhere, even *gasp* up! Now believe you me, the workings of our bodies and fluid shifts and all that are not new to me so it wasn't as if I don't get it. I do. I guess, I didn't realize (or maybe conveniently forgot) how easy it is to get fixated on the scale. I'm going to try and write down one non-scale victory a day to counteract the weight loss blues I'm feeling.
NSV #1- I've eaten 99% clean for 12 days!!!! This may sound like a small number to some of you but for me this is a record. Even when I've lost weigh in the past, I would almost always have a bad food day or a binge once a week. Sure, I'd get right back in the saddle and restrict for a few days but I didn't feel like I was really changing my relationship with foods or how I saw food and nourishment.
Another reason I'm feeling kinda down is silly but I'll write it down because I'm sure if anyone can relate it's my SP friends is that the more I immerse myself in this healthier lifestyle, the more upset I become that I let myself get off track for so long. It's like 'WHY COULDN'T YOU DO THIS SOONER?!!!!!' Like the more I feel like this is doable, the more I wish I'd done it before and that I wouldn't have put the first 1/2 of my 20s on hold.
Another contributor to the blues, I have a big school event coming up on Friday and I'm going to see colleagues and professors that I haven't seen for about 2 years and I'm feeling bummed about my weight and size. It's supposed to be a blast but I almost talked myself out of going so I could do the comfortable thing and hide and maybepunishmyselfagainforgaini
ngweight. Fortunately, I realized that I needed to stop that train of thought RIGHT THERE. I'm looking on the bright side of things and hopefully will blog on Friday about how AWESOME it was.
I know that this is a marathon and not a sprint. I know that I didn't put this weight on in a day or month and that it's going to take a long while to lose it. I know that I'm doing for my health and my future which is just as or even more important than my present. I know that if I continue eating clean I will see results.
Now I have to work on accepting these things. I have to translate the above knowledge to wisdom to guide my actions and it is very much a difficult battle.