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Tuesday, March 18, 2014

So I have been doing ok lately. Not great on exercise, however, starting to make healthier choices in general. I have come home from the store at least 10 times now without purchasing some kind of chocolate or snack for me. The snack i keep going to now is just fruit so hopefully that will keep getting easier and easier and maybe just maybe i can even walk away from sugar all together. That would be great. I am blogging today because I have a confession. I got a membership to the YMCA in January this year and I am really struggling with my anxiety about it. I get a really red face fast when i work out. I have always been that way, even when I practiced basketball and softball 3-4 hours a day every day and was in shape, I still would have an instantly red face. Just one of those things when you have a fair complexion and red hair and when you are out of shape it just makes it all the more noticeable. I could talk in front of people publicly and my face will still turn beet red. So anyways I have this ridiculous fear of the gym I am paying to go to and still have not gone. Live in a small town now that I didn't grow up in but my boyfriend has lived here since he was 15. He knows a lot of these people who live around here for a long time now and he is very attractive and skinny and I well I am not skinny at all. I am actually at my highest weight ever in my entire life. I feel like if i go all these stupid little girls he hang out with when he was a teenager will be looking down on me if they see me. Or that they will spread rumors about how that hot guy has such a fat ugly girlfriend with a beet red face etc. I just want the thoughts to subside and for me to push through and just go there to even see what its about. I might end up loving it and be there all the time.. I just know that I need to go. At least try. Please self just try to push the stupid petty people out of your mind and do this for the new you.
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